Law Students

In an ideal world

From: The Dean

To: All Professors

Re: New grading policy

    As we open the scene on a new semester I'm sure many of you are very busy.  You would be less busy had you turned in grades for your classes on time.  Due to the fact that only a handful of grades have been processed and posted on ISIS we will be implementing a new grading policy.  Effective immediately, the following rules apply:

• Those of you who turned your grades in before the New Year will be able to select each of your teaching slots and courses. 
• If grades were turned in prior to the start of J-term you may request your class to serve you up to two trays of delicious baked goods.
• If you turned your grades in prior to the start of classes we will say thank you and your picture will go on a poster in Scott Commons with a gold star.
• Those who have not turned in grades by the start of classes will find their picture on another poster, labeled "Wall of Shame."  Your photo will remain there until grades are received.
• One week late: Your students will be e-mailed a detailed itinerary of your holliday travel plans as well as your home and cell phone numbers.
• Two weeks late: You will be required to stand on stage in Scott Commons and beg mercy both before the eyes of the Lord and the students.
• Three weeks late:  You must work in the bookstore stocking shelves.
• Four weeks late:  For each day after four weeks you will be required to spend one hour sitting in a "Dunk Tank."  Students will be provided an ample amount of softballs.
  

Thank you for your help as we implement these new strategies.  In exchange for your compliance you will be allowed to institute similar policies in all your classes to manage student reading assignments.

Sincerely,

The Dean

(We can dream right?  Also, big shout out to the peer adviser who told his advisees to kill themselves if they got bad grades.  We have to thin out those 1Ls somehow.  For equally bad advice, check out last year's Guide to Grades.)

Full post as published by TJ's Double Play on January 21, 2008 (boomark / email).