Law Students

Working with the Menu

By Anonymous

So, interesting comments from Monday's post- and I mean that sincerely. It's one of the reasons I published that particular diary blog entry - because even though I love my life and generally fail to publish posts not because I'm hiding unhappiness but because finding new ways to describe the urge to pinch myself would be boring and borderline obnoxious, I have doubts. I have moments where I wonder if law school was the right path and I wonder where I want this path to take me. And I know other people have those too.

Up until this point life has been full of options- in high school the future is so far away and on my first day of college I felt I could pursue anything. I initially chose medicine, switched to law at the last minute, and still thought I had a million options before me as I ran full speed towards law school. Once there I tossed around career possibilities and waxed poetic about how I would handle work and family- something easily done when you have no knowledge of the reality of that balance. But now, at the end of my formal academic journey, I am entrenched in my legal path and switching off of it will involve a lot more than randomly deciding to sign up for the LSAT instead of the MCAT.

And that's okay. I know that some of the best opportunities are those you never planned for and that's one of the reasons I'm the only associate in my class without a new luxury car. Our financial focus is paying off my loans so that we can embrace (or at least seriously consider) the opportunities that present themselves down the road. But those unknown future possibilities, while exciting, are not very comforting when you're lying in bed at night wondering if that path you chose to race down at 100 mph and 21 years old, was the right one.

All of that said, I like being a lawyer. The late night freak-outs stem from (a) the ohmygod realization that I'm an adult with an expensive, time-consuming degree, a job, and financial commitments and if I decide tomorrow that I want to be a doctor I can't do much about it (at least not tomorrow) or (b) the lack of a set plan to get whatever it is I want and not being sure if I'm doing enough or too much to get where I don't know I want to go. But that's life on the other side of the ivory tower and I'm just chronicling the adjustment process.

To address a more practical concern many people had, I love where I work, I have every intention of working there for quite some time, and I don't believe anyone at my firm thinks I want anything less than making partner as quickly as possible. In fact, the senior associate I work for the other day sent me an article titled "ten signs you're a workaholic" and told me to be careful. JP laughed for about 5 minutes when I told him that because I am so very far from a workaholic, but I figure it's a good impression to have unintentionally made. As far as children and perceived commitment to your career, while I greatly respect the opinions and advice of those who have worked longer than me, I do think that Austin is a little different. All but two people in my section have children and the last two women to make partner both have three. Many attorneys are flex-time and I can't think of a single person who doesn't have a very time consuming hobby or a family or both. My floor clears out around 6 pm and people work later from home as needed. I work with some phenomenally smart and talented people, but they've self-selected for this office. If you want to be a superstar rainmaker you just don't choose to work in Austin- you go to New York or DC or at least Houston or Dallas.

One thing that has been clear to me is that a huge part of the "luck" involved in stumbling across your dream career opportunity is being a great attorney and having a good reputation among those you work with. And at work I am focused on learning everything I can and doing a great job for those above me; any thoughts about alternative paths or career-identity crises are kept to myself. I've learned a lot from listening to my coworkers talk about their own plans- after all, the firm has no interest in everyone sticking around to go up for partner in eight years, so talk of non-firm futures is rampant. The last two people to have my office are now at the DOJ and we have section lunches with them every other month. It's been comforting to see all the well-defined roads that lead away from the firm.

Today was a good day. I wrote a memo that elicited two "excellent work!" emails from the receiving partners and I sang along to the radio the whole way home. On days like today I can see myself wanting to be a partner, and then I arrive home to a smiley Landon racing through the house yelling "mama! mama! mama!" and I spiral back into doubt over what it is I want after all. But I can live with that in the day-to-day. After all, I don't have a lot of other options right now and hopefully these nighttime musings will have the upside of enforcing a willingness to consider new opportunities as they come. I don't know that you can order a perfect career a la carte, but I'm happy to have one that works right now.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on July 09, 2009 (boomark / email).