International Law

Helpline

By John Hirst

I like this from Charme.

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you suffer from Co-Dependency, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personality Disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.

If you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, please head directly to the nearest A & E. Nothing we say will make a difference anyway.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you suffer from Low Self-Esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to take your call.

Full post as published by prisonlawinsideout on February 24, 2008 (boomark / email).