Family Law

Check In With Your Spouse

By J. Benjamin Stevens

Each week, set aside an hour or so to "check in" with your spouse – not for the business of running your home, but to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling. For these conversations to be productive, keep the following in mind:

• Timing is important. You can't share your heart with each other when you're rushed or exhausted.
• Distractions should be minimized. The TV should be off, phones out of reach, computers on sleep mode and kids engaged elsewhere or put to bed.
• Open-ended questions keep the communication flowing smoothly. "What do you think about _?" "What most concerns you about __ ?"
• Husbands, don't assume you need to help your wife "fix" something that's bothering her, unless she specifically asks you to. Wives, it's OK to let your husband know whether you're looking for a solution or merely a listening ear and a comforting hug.
• Don't be discouraged by misfires. Your best effort to draw the other person out could be interrupted by a crying child or might unintentionally provoke a disagreement. Nothing works perfectly every time, so regroup and try again later.

The benefits of a regular checking-in routine can't be overestimated. For one thing, you have the opportunity to help your spouse sort through concerns that may be difficult to put into words.
Walking together through this process creates trust and closeness. When a couple makes this a regular habit, their bond is virtually unbreakable – and their marriage immensely satisfying.

Source:  "Check In With Your Spouse" by Paul & Teri Reisser, authors of Your Spouse Isn't the Person You Married, published in the Focus on the Family Bulletin (December 2010).

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on December 29, 2010 (boomark / email).