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: A Season of Mists

Disconnect

So, I'm currently writing from Amsterdam, towards the end of our whirlwind tour-de-force (movie.girl & I). More on the trip in a later post, when I get back stateside. This one is about the moment/tonight.

See, movie.girl and I have this certain disconnect which led to a minor disagreement this eve.

She's pissed at me for being me. That is, for being relatively quiet, somber, and not upbeat. She's annoyed because she's the upbeat one, here to entertain me and begin conversations because otherwise I remain stoic and uncommunicative.

As for my part, I'm annoyed with her, though I have yet to voice this to her this trip. She's always right, I'm always wrong, she can do no wrong and I can do no right. I let her lead because if I don't then I'm wrong and she will lead anyways. She cannot, will not and/or is unable to relinquish control to anyone (she & I have talked on this before) and, therefore, I relinquish control to her as that just saves time and hassle in the long run.

Admittedly, I am quiet and stoic and prone to reflection as opposed to outburst or discourse. In contrast, any view point that differs or diverges from hers is wrong. She simply cannot understand or appreciate it.

We went on a tour of Anne Frank's house tonight. Afterwards, she asked my reaction. I don't really have one. Museums like that don't really mean so much to me because they serve better as monuments to symbols, symbols that have a greater force and effect than the museum can ever aspire to. They're shadows of greatness or horror, cast upon a future time to echo.

I tried to tell her some of this and she mocked me. So I asked her what it meant to her. She gave me her answer, and I tried to explain that these museums don't mean as much to me as the family tree I have that shows those relatives lost to the concentration camps.

And she mocked me again.

So my voice rose a bit and I became impassioned/angry/annoyed and she in turn became pissed with me.

I can't talk with her about anything meaningful because if my opinion or viewpoint is different then she cannot appreciate it and discounts it.

Disconnect.

So I'm typing this in the business center of our swanky hotel (it really is quite nice) at 7:45pm (local time) because I don't want to stay in the hotel room with her. She'll never understand me and she doesn't want to try. It's all about her and what she has to do and what people and things mean in relation to her.

And I can't say any of this to her face because she would disagree and fire back and not listen. She can't hear me speak. So I'll take the ultimate passive-aggressive move and write a post about it.

I don't know what I'm going to do tonight. Find somewhere to sit and drink (tea, beer, alcohol, whatever) and read my book. A Tuesday night in Amsterdam, halfway across the world, and I'm not sure where to go. Maybe I'll go see Rembrandt Square. *shrug*

Disconnect.

Full post as published by A Season of Mists on October 28, 2008 (boomark / email).