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: A Season of Mists

A Difficult Choice?

By Alan

Met up with boardgame.girl tonight. Before, she had texted me that we needed to talk about "things." After a bunch of boardgames, we talked.

She doesn't want something serious or exclusive right now. For the first time in 2 years, she's at the bar hanging out most nights, meeting guys and going out on dates. She said it feels like she's living someone else's life. She's out of here in 2 months and she doesn't know where she's headed after MA.

She wanted me to know this up front so she wouldn't lead me on or such. I told her I appreciated her telling me. I also said that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want something serious. I asked a good question: Would I be fooling myself if I thought it could be exclusive in the future? She didn't know - it depends on if she comes back, but not in the next 2 months. I didn't give her an answer. Instead, I told her I'd need some time. I still kissed her before leaving.

If you're tempted to ask what non-exclusive means, don't. I don't know. I doubt she has a good idea of what it means, though I could easily be wrong.

I'm of 3 minds:

(a) Go with "it" whatever "it" is.

(b) Try to hang out with her as "just friends" and no more.

(c) Sever it. Cut bait and try not to look back.

See, I know what I want. I want a relationship, something serious, something meaningful. I've only been "going out" with boardgame.girl for a few weeks and, to be honest, I haven't fallen as hard as I could. I've tried to keep something in reserve. I didn't have any expectations per se, particularly knowing she's moving away in a while. I figured I'd just ride it out and see what happened.

But I can't have what I want. Not here.

And there's the kicker. I could go with (a) if only I didn't care. If only she was some random girl, someone I'd just met and hadn't already grown to like. Because I do like her for herself. Though she doesn't believe it, she is cool. She's the kind of geek I've been looking for. And I like her. I don't know that I have it in me for (a).

I also know that I don't like (c). I enjoy hanging out with her and playing games and such. It's fun and there's no one else around with whom I can do that, at least for the boardgames if not the more.

I could try (b). I know that the whole time I'd be hoping and/or waiting for her "to come to her senses." But I also know she probably wouldn't. It would be a waste of efforts/hope.

Maybe I do have it in me for (a)? Could I do it without seriously hurting myself in the end?

I have to make a choice this week - let's say by Friday (I'll see her Friday night at boardgaming).

I have more thoughts on this, but it's late and I need to sleep. Please feel free to provide suggestions, thoughts or ideas. I'll put up a birthday post later today.

Full post as published by A Season of Mists on April 15, 2008 (boomark / email).