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Completely overwhelmed, thanks for asking.

By cg-c, esq.

If ONE MORE PERSON asks me if Husband & I have figured out what we're doing about daycare, I won't be responsible for my actions.

I think what's the most overwhelming part for me is that being Type A, you can't plan anything about this. You can become informed, but you can't plan exactly what's going to happen. About the only thing I know is that I don't feel at all ready and that I'm totally going for the drugs. I think those women who go all natural are great, but I'm not one of those. I have no interest in being a superwoman - I don't have anything to prove, I just want to survive the experience. And from one of my coworkers who had a baby last year, she said she saw rainbows and wanted to dance around the room once she got her drugs. And yes, I realize this might not fit with the fact that I'm mostly vegan, but one things that's become starkly evident through this process is that at least for me, all expectation bets are off.

The other thing I know is that since I can't plan, I fixate and stress about the little things. Like daycare...and costs of everything (have you ever been in a Baby's R Us? CRAZY.)...and how am I not going to lose my sanity?...and how will Husband and I not go crazy together?...and how will I lose the baby weight? I don't know how much I've gained (my doctor says I'm normal) - I've specifically asked them to NOT tell me anything about my weight. I don't want to know. I don't need the emotional trauma of seeing the scale go up that high. Everything is hard enough seeing as how your entire body changes, watching a scale go up higher than I've ever seen is definitely not something I need.

I honestly don't know how people who have multiples do it. I feel completely overwhemled just thinking about one, I cannot imagine more than one. And then there's all these economists throwing around that awful "recession" word... Sigh.

And can we talk about those wretched TLC and Discovery Health baby shows that I can't NOT watch? They're like a preview of a car crash I'm going to have to go through, just not exactly. If I could find Jerry Springer I'd be better off watching that.

I'm trying really hard to relax and focus on stuff that makes me happy...like oreo cookies and the fact that my birthday is next week and I've got 2 boxes waiting to open. And how I think (hope!) Husband got me new dishes from Williams Sonoma. And my one cat, Jiminy, is being quite the little comfort-cat. He's always been pretty astute with sensing when I need a little extra comfort, and for about the last month he's been pretty affixed to my side whenever I'm home and sitting down. He's plastered up against me right now, which is very sweet. And there's the oreo cookies... I think I need one now...

And what if I'm not one of those women who immediately feels that bond after birth?

Full post as published by Negligent Gnomes on January 22, 2008 (boomark / email).