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Let Atheists (or Jews or Muslims) Care For Your Pets After the Rapture

By Kim Krawiec

For a small fee, of course.  Via Tyler Cowen, two websites -- Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA and JesusPets ? that promise a service in which atheists who are also animal-lovers agree to care for the pets of those taken in the rapture.

From Eternal Earth-Bound Pets:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved.  But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward.  Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing.  Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.  . . .

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.

For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved.  Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee.   A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

From JesusPets:

If Jesus returns tonight, who will feed your pets tomorrow?

           

Make hard CA$H from home while the world is in flames!

 

Are you an animal lover; and also an atheist, agnostic, jew, muslim, or other non-Christian? If so, you might qualify for the JesusPets Partner Program!

 

JesusPets will pay YOU to take care of dogs, cats, and other pets. To qualify, you must agree with this statement:

 

The JesusPets Partner Program Statement

 

I love animals, and am willing to care for pets after the Christian Rapture.

I am not, and never have been a born-again Christian.

I believe it is immoral to have sex with animals, and have no desire to do so.

I believe it is immoral to consume common domesticated pets (note: this includes goldfish!), and have no desire to do so.

If you agree with, then please contact JesusPets to join our international community of JesusPets Partners!

As Cowen notes, JesusPets promises an important service that Eternal Earth Bound does not: namely, not to consume or have sex with your pets after you?re gone (surely such comfort is worth a premium). 

Apparently other commercial enterprises are built around preparing for the rapture, for example by notifying your loved ones about what has happened to you, and sending them messages after the rapture.  Law & Order fans will recall this episode on the same theme. 

Sort of reminds me of our Reincarnation Bank post over the summer, which promised to help you plan for (all of) your futures, by offering safe keeping for any asset you wish to deposit until you return for it in a later life

Image Source: www.thechefinstead.ca/ house.html 

Full post as published by The Faculty Lounge on August 25, 2009 (boomark / email).