Academic

I think there are many good ways to raise children.  Different things work for different kids and parents, so I try to steer clear of judging other parents for how they raise their kids.  That having been said, I have some pretty fundamental disagreements with the views Amy Chua expresses in Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, less because I disagree with the way in which she raised her kids and more because she appears convinced that hers is the only right way.

In the book, Chua focuses almost all of her energy on ensuring that her daughters outscore and outperform (in the things that she thinks matter) all of the other kids who might be viewed as competition.  And she is quite dismissive of "Western" parents who don't properly focus on that goal.  If she is right that the "Chinese way" is all about having your child rank first, that is not a society in which I want to raise my child.  I think it would be a real nightmare to go to a school where every child has been taught to measure her success by how many other children she has beaten, and to measure her failures by how many kids got a better score on a test.  Leaving aside the obvious problem that in any class, only one child is going to be able to meet the goal of being number one, I don't want my daughter aspiring to show up other kids in her class.  I want her to do well in school.  I want her to work hard.  But I also want her to work well with others.  I want her to be the child who brings out the best in others.  That skill may not be tested, and it may mean that another child will do better on a test than she will, but that is all right with me. 

I also don't want to live in a place where other parents view my child as competition rather than as a fun, interesting person who is friends with their kids.  Having the support of other parents with kids around my daughter's age has made me a much better parent.  And those parents all want the best for my daughter.  I just cannot imagine raising my daughter wondering whether her friends' parents are hoping that she will fail (or at least not succeed too much) so that their children can get the highest score on every test. 

To my ears, this sounds like a completely, ridiculously obvious point.  But Chua seems never to back off of her view that her obsession with being first creates a better society and should be the only way.  Even at the end, she is scheming to try to ensure that her daughter will beat all of the other kids in tennis.  My guess is that Chua would say either that I am weak or that I am valuing the wrong things.  I will leave it that we just have very different values, both for our children and for the society in which we live.