Banking Law

Crime may not pay, but it certainly hurts a lot less for criminals who are tall, blond, female, young and cute.

Recently, bank robbers in Dallas have been having "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" come down, on their heads.

Dallas bank robber Mario Flores Garfias Jr. has been sentenced to 12 years in prison, without parole, by U.S. District Judge Barbara M.G. Lynn. She also ordered Garfias to pay restitution of $11,283.

Garfias, 29, admitted robbing three banks and one credit union in Dallas during a two-week period last fall...

That's three years per bank, without parole. On the other hand, Mario will still be in his prime when he gets out (40 is the new 30, right?), assuming he serves the full term. There's always the chance that he'll find his Maker in prison and come out a changed man, ready to work for the good of his fellow citizens and to empty himself of all hate and violence so that he might live eternally. Then again, he might also come out with enough stellar contacts with other criminals to make up what might be an all-star crew of bank busters. What are the odds?

Mario's not alone, however cold that comfort might be to him. One Billy Wayne Ferris recently got an even heftier sentence to The Big House from a Dallas-based federal judge.

A Dallas man who admitted to robbing banks in Dallas and Arkansas last summer has been sentenced to nearly 16 years in federal prison.

Billy Wayne Farris, 44, was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Jane J. Boyle to 188 months in prison and ordered to pay $3,854 in restitution.

Billy Wayne did only two banks (at least, that's all he was convicted of robbing), but he got eight years per robbery, although a less onerous fine (as if he's EVER going to pay it). I guess if you're going down for bank robbery, you want "Babs," not Jane, as your judge. Billy Wayne will be middle aged (60 being the new 40) when he exists the slammer, although parole might be in the offing, so he could get out before he Mario and before he joins the AARP.

If only Mario and Billy Wayne had been...oh...young, female and hot. Ex-strippers, especially.

They were Internet darlings because of their daring and their looks.

Tall blondes, Heather Lyn Johnston, 20, and Ashley Nicole Miller, 19, were worth hundreds of clicks every time their media-given moniker Barbie Bandits made a headline or meta tag.

On YouTube alone, the bank surveillance video â?? which showed the women wearing designer sunglasses and stylish jeans as they giggled their way through the theft of nearly $11,000 from a bank in Acworth ?counted for nearly 38,000 views in a little more than one year.

The former Buford Highway strippers were the among the constellation of bright lights in the Internet world, spawning blog sites and comic re-edits of their escapade.

The information became tragically comic as news emerged that the pair, who grew up in Gwinnett County, had to call their conspirators for directions to the west Cobb bank, then used their 25 percent share of the loot to get their hair done and shop for designer clothes.

Johnston also made the morning talk show rounds and showed up on the tabloid news programs.

On Monday, both were scared young women dressed conservatively and sitting in a cold Cobb County courtroom waiting to learn whether the theft that brought them international media coverage would send them to jail.

"I'm ready for three years; I'm not ready for 10 years," Johnston whispered to her lawyer before Superior Court Judge Mary E. Staley took the bench.

Bank teller Benny Allen III, who told the girls what to write in the demand note and handed them the money, was the first to stand before Staley. The 23-year-old was on five years' probation for a drug bust in Bartow County.

He had pleaded guilty to the bank theft, but prosecutor Bonnie Derrer said he had not upheld his agreement to testify truthfully against Michael Chastang, who was convicted of hatching the scheme and is to be sentenced today.

Staley gave Allen five years in jail and five on probation.

Miller, wearing a white blouse and black skirt and with a fresh French manicure, glanced nervously at her mother. She was next.

Her lawyer asked Staley for 12 months' probation and first-offender status, so she could have a chance to have her record expunged if she stayed out of trouble.

Miller, who once called the heist "the worst decision I ever made,"  told the judge: "I realize what I did was irresponsible."

Staley said she recognized Miller had come around to telling the truth, but initially had not been as truthful and willing to help as Johnston.

"I can see my way to giving you a lighter sentence than the state has recommended," said Staley, who ordered Miller to jail for two years and placed her on probation for eight.

Staley allowed Miller's mother to say goodbye, then the young woman was led off by sheriff's deputies.

[...]

Under house-arrest at her Grayson home since her March 31 release from jail on bond, Johnston was the first to provide police with details. She has testified three times for the prosecution.

"I don't see much difference between the four of y'all, in terms of criminality," Staley said. But "I think it was a profound statement that you came in here in August, and you took responsibility."

Staley ordered Johnston to serve 10 years' probation, perform community service, repay the bank and pay a $2,000 fine.

Thus, the tall, blond, bad hot stripper who was slow to rat out the others got two years and the tall, blond, less bad hot stripper who turned on her cohorts more quickly than she can pick a twenty off the floor without using her hands gets to work in a homeless shelter and pay a small fine (how many nights wrapped around a pole dangling upside down will it take to gin up the two grand fine?). Neither of them got an exceedingly harsh sentence. Then again, neither was named Mario or Billy Wayne.

The wheels of justice grind exceedingly slowly, but they grind exceedingly serendipitously. "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time." Or, if you can't be the first to the confessional. Or, if you're not a tall, blond, young, hot "ex-stripper."