Family Law

Guest Post :: Special Challenges to Consider in Interethnic Marriages

By J. Benjamin Stevens

The following guest post is from Angelita Williams discusses the special challenges that face those in interethnic marriages:

Earlier this year, a CNN article reported that interracial or interethnic marriages are on the rise. According to the Pew Research Center, there have never before been more interracial unions in America than now. Now, it is estimated that over 14% of married couples are of different ethnicities, while around 85% of 18- to 29- year-olds report that they are accepting of interracial marriages. These statistics indicate that intercultural marriages will likely continue to be a steadily rising trend. 

While this is an encouraging new development, as the rate of interracial marriages is often a reflection of race relations in the country as a whole, these marriages do bring with them special challenges. As the product of an interethnic, interfaith union myself, I will here offer a few tips for maintaining a healthy, culturally diverse marriage, gleaned from my own experiences:

1. Learn as much as you can about your spouse's culture.  If your spouse speaks another language, make every effort to learn it, even if you share a common language. Learn about the customs, holidays, foods, and other traditions as well.  You'd be surprised by how much knowing these things can bring you closer to your partner.
2. Be prepared to deal with differences in values. Whether or not we like it, different cultures have different values. None of these values, of course, are set in stone, but know that even if your spouse has been raised in the same country as you, he or she is strongly influenced by the values instilled by parents, which are often derived from cultural norms. Know that you can't change attitudes overnight; prepare yourself to not sweat the small stuff and communicate in-depth about specific attitudes that trouble you.
3. Winning over the in-laws will inevitably be more challenging.  Especially if you are the first in the family to come from a different cultural or racial background, accept that you will initially be treated as an outsider. These barriers, however, need not be life-long. If you demonstrate a willingness to immerse yourself in their cultural traditions, you may find yourself breaking through cultural barriers that you once thought were impossible to transcend. Remember that despite variations in culture, the most fundamental aspects of human nature are essentially the same across the board. 
4. Decide together in which traditions you would like to raise your children.  While you may not feel very strongly about your own faith or cultural traditions, it is important to discuss with your partner how you would like to raise your children. It can be confusing for children and a potential source of conflict for parents when you haven't decided in advance what sort of cultural identity you want your children to carry on.

As with all marriages, the key to success is often simply a commitment to stay the course even amidst differences and conflicts, as well as constant and mindful communication. Since our respective cultures influence us in ways of which we may not even be aware, it especially important to be sensitive, amenable to differences, and extra communicative to ensure success. 

Source:  This guest post is contributed by Angelita Williams, who writes on the topics of online courses.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: angelita.williams7 @gmail.com.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on October 11, 2010 (boomark / email).