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I admit I'm in the market for a smart phone. But to be honest, when I first saw this one, I didn't know what it was, other than, oooooh, really shiny.

Really, really shiny. It's an 18-karat Vertu Constellation Quest, baby, and it can be yours for the bargain price of $27,000.

What do you get for 27k? I dunno. I'm all, like, "Dude, what's a Vertu?" One review says you get "an excessively large box." Which I would expect to live in for that price.

The same review says the phone has a concierge key. For 27k, I want a live concierge living with me in my excessively large box, and anticipating my every desire - plus vacuuming, picking up puppy poo, and taking the teens to their orthodontist appointments. (Does anyone even know if you can play Angry Birds on a watchamacallit, er, Vertu?)

I'm also wondering if this iPhone, iPad and iPod touch controlled massage chair, reasonably-priced at $4,999, will fit in my excessively large box...I'ma get my concierge to check on that for me.