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Paralegals & Legal Secretaries

: Practical Paralegalism

Practical Paralegalism's Guide to Paralegal Want Ads

By Lynne DeVenny

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People ask me all the time, "Why do you blog?" Duh. I blog to be helpful to my para-legal-hood (hyphens are in - see below). No, I don't get paid to do this, and I don't have any fat cat sponsors. (Because they might try to tell me what to write.) But who needs money, when you can have this much fun just reading the want ads?

A Los Angeles law firm needs an experienced legal secretary but "no yellers" need apply. (Neither yellers or yeller is in the dictionary, not even under Old Yeller but I GET WHAT THEY MEAN!)

No yellers is apparently a very desirable trait in a legal support staffer. An Orlando, Florida firm needs a "PT Legal/Sec/Reception" who is "on the quiet side" even though the ad screams, "PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS AD IF YOU DO NOT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS!" OKAY, I GET IT!

An Austin, Texas law firm seeks a fragrance free paralegal trainee. I'm not sure if the statement, "We help with this and provide ample samples of fragrance free products to try" means they will tell you if you smell during the interview.

Another Austin, Texas law firm desires a paralegal/legal secretary with 20 to 30 years of time served in a law firm (versus prison), and a "no nonsense 'master sergeant' attitude in dealing with people and projects," who needs to be prepared to be pleasantly surprised by the rate of pay. Go to the interview prepared to bark your price, and you're in like Flynn. (The dress code is "nonexistent" too. Yay. To see if this is true, I recommend wearing a t-shirt that says, "My lawyer filed my briefs then took the rest of me to the cleaners," mismatched bobby socks, and your grandpa's old house shoes to the interview.)

A New York firm seeks a para-legal. I like the hyphen, although it has no discernible purpose. Also expect "heavy client interaction" - I'm not sure if that means there are lots of clients, or just heavy ones...

Another Orlando, Florida firm wants a legal assistant "with longevity" - does this mean they hope the right applicant is going to live for a really long time, or that the lucky winner never plans to look for another job?

Finally, an Orlando, Florida lawyer is "looking for his right hand." (Listen, people, I don't make this stuff up. I just quote it verbatim.) Also, his right hand must be clean. (I read that right, didn't I?)

Full post as published by Practical Paralegalism on September 09, 2010 (boomark / email).