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How to be Controversial (Without Being a Jerk)

Blogs are getting more and more competitive as a thousand new bloggers join the crowd every day, and we all know that being bland is a great way to be forgotten. Much better to be bold and controversial, right?

Possibly not.

It’s so, so easy to step over the line from “honest voice, telling it how it is” to “unbearable jerk, stay away from me”. If you want to be a jerk, then go for it. You will receive the undying admiration of a tiny but vocal group and the disapproval of almost everyone else.

But what do you do if you want to stir the pot a little, without being a jerk?

Preparation: accept the feedback

First, and most important step! The whole point of taking a divisive and controversial standpoint is that a large number of people will disagree with you. Some will do so politely and engagingly (by debating you in comments, for example) and some will hate your guts and call you the spawn of Satan.

If you can’t deal with that, don’t use controversy. There are thousands of other differentiators you could use, most of which will not make you feel one hundredth as bad as ceaseless disagreement can. You have to be tough to use it now and then. If you want to use it often? You have to be made of iron.

Execution: avoid sweeping judgements

There’s a big difference between the following statements:

• I hate pistachio ice-cream and think it tastes disgusting
• I hate pistachio ice-cream and anyone who likes it is a moron

If I like pistachio ice-cream and I read the first statement, I will be a little intrigued. Why don?t you like it? At worst, I will think, ?Well, you are wrong. It tastes awesome.? If I too dislike the flavour, I will say, ?Heck yeah!?.

For the second statement, if I like pistachio ice-cream I will be very angry and offended. ?I?m not a moron! How dare you say so!? In fact, I might find that statement obnoxious even if I dislike the flavour too, or if I don?t care either way. The second statement judges both the ice-cream flavour (which everyone does) AND the people who like it (which is less cool).

Try this one:

• Opening unsecured attachments is foolish
• Only idiots open unsecured attachments

The first describes stupid behaviour. The second describes stupid people. The two things are not the same! Scammers and con-men regularly target doctors, architects and other professionals. They are obviously not stupid people, but they get taken in and behave stupidly, just like everyone else. Separate the belief, behaviour or identifier (or ice-cream preference) away from the person who holds it. Then you can state your opinion in a much less contentious manner.

Similarly, when reviewing products you can talk freely about how the information wasn?t comprehensive enough or how it didn?t really deliver on its sales page promises. But don?t get personal about the person who wrote it!

Aftermath: excellent response

When people respond and vehemently disagree (which they will) you have the chance to be awesome. When people are engaged enough to disagree (often at length) with you, it?s because they care deeply about an idea. If you handle that badly, well, strike them off the Christmas card list because they?re never going to be your friend.

But it doesn?t have to go that way! If you:

• respond respectfully
• avoid making personal attacks
• are willing to change your opinion
• calmly defend your position
• accept other valid opinions

then you create an environment in which ground-breaking conversations can occur. Some of the best and most relinked posts include two hundred, five hundred, or more, long comments arguing about the points raised, and either coming to an agreement or mutually deciding that agreement is impossible. You can receive an incredible number of links and new relationships if you do this part well.

What controversial idea have you forwarded and how did it go? Tell me in the comments!

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Published by: Grant Griffiths

Full post as published by Blawg for Profit on June 15, 2010 (boomark / email).