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: A Season of Mists

Dating

I've had dating on the brain for the last 2-3 weeks. Partly because a lot of my friends are pairing up and getting married, but mostly because out of the blue some random girl messaged me on a semi-random dating site. That kind of thing always throws me for a loop, and this one seems pretty interesting. 'Course I have no idea what she looks like (no photo) nor where exactly she is (maybe NYC?), and she's a law student in the midst of finals (though presumably they're over soon). In other words, nothing is happening and I'm currently trying to pretend that I'm cool and patient. (It kills me.)

Thing is, I've been avoiding dating for +2 years now. Oh I tried some internet dating. eHarmony and Match didn't pan out. Went on 2 dates from Jdate, 1 blind date a friend set up for me. And then I pretty much just stopped looking or trying. At some point, I decided not to even try until I got my head screwed on straight. I think the line of thinking was something like: If I don't know what I want or where I'm going, then I don't want to "inflict" my problems or myself on someone else. How can I expect or hope that someone else will "get" me if I don't even understand myself?

So I just stopped.. well, everything. I'm still signed up for some of the sites, largely because I'm also bad at managing my finances. (Don't ask.) I get e-mails pretty regularly - not from women, just from the sites with matches. I still check from time to time, but I'm not actively looking or messaging. I'm like a mollusk, sifting through whatever happens to float my way but not actually doing or accomplishing much.

That's a horrible analogy. (But accurate.)

ANYWAYS, every now and then a woman will message me. And I might or might not take some interest (depending on her profile, message, etc.). And I might or might not freak out a little because, hey, that's what I do. And I might or might not pause and reassess.

Because I've been where I am for 4.5 years now and that ain't cool. Not in the slightest.

Full post as published by A Season of Mists on May 24, 2010 (boomark / email).