Legal Writing

Even More Less is More — Example #4

This post is one in a series on cutting verbiage in
things like proposals for legal services.

In the last three episodes, we cut substantial amounts of copy from all sorts of things written by attorneys ? from proposals to pleadings.

Why bother to do that?

Because the audience for these things is busy. It has too much to do, so if you can help it save time or reduce effort, it will be pleased with you.

Think about it. Suppose you had to stay up half the night reading stuff for the next day. Wouldn’t you like to read less?

Of course you would.

Why . . . you’d be downright thankful if you could.

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Suppose you write things written by attorneys. Then advance your cause. Please your audience. Reduce their load.

Here’s how ? write less.*

Instead of using all the space you’re allowed in a brief, use much less. If you’re allowed 1000 words to respond to an item in a proposal, use 300.

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Well . . . so much for that. Now let’s cut something.

Let’s cut a statement in a proposal for legal services. The proposal is for IP work for a new and well financed high-tech company. It’s presented by a mid-size IP firm with a good reputation.

Here’s the statement:

Our expertise spans the entire spectrum of technologies facing today?s businesses including, but not limited to:

This statement needs more than a trim. It needs a rewrite because:

1. The Entire Spectrum includes Every Technology,
2. Today’s businesses aren’t Facing Technology, and
3. Most clients don’t want attorneys who write things that take up a lot of room, but don’t make a lot of sense.

How about this instead:

We have expertise in a wide range of technologies, such as:

We went from 16 words to 11 — a 30% reduction!

* Beware: writing less takes more time and effort.

Full post as published by Set in Style on April 29, 2010 (boomark / email).