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: Magic Cookie

How do you feel

Around here, we talk about our feelings a lot. I ask K how he's feeling throughout the day, so he can catch himself feeling happy or we can figure out why he's not. As he gets older, he's been turning the tables on me. In particular, when I betray the slightest hint of annoyance, he looks into my eyes and asks, "How do you feel?" I often use a conversation about K's feelings to head off fussing and whining. But it works just as well on me -- it forces me to acknowledge that I'm usually getting upset at something silly or totally age-appropriate, and to articulate why I'm upset.

Yesterday we had this exchange after he insisted on changing into a Thomas T-shirt that I was trying to put away while sorting his clothes:
K: How do you feel?
I'm putting away clothes with my back turned and don't answer because I'm so furious.
K: Mommy? How do you feel?
Now I have to look at him.
Me: I feel angry because you're not listening to me. It's too cold to wear just a T-shirt. I got mad when you threw the hoodie on the floor and yelled and ran away.
K: What can we do to make you feel better?
Me: Please go play by yourself for a few minutes. I need to calm down. When I feel calmer, I'll come play with you.

As soon as he walked out of the room, I realized that I was mainly just worried about him being cold. I remembered that he had some long-sleeved white shirts that still fit him. I called him back in and asked if he would wear one under his T-shirt, and he agreed and gave me a hug. And the disciple becomes the master.

Full post as published by Magic Cookie on April 11, 2010 (boomark / email).