Academic

So, my slightly shameful confession is I loved the original Clash of the Titans (1981).  I don't remember its release into theaters, but one summer I think it was on HBO every other day, and I sat and watched it over and over.  Harry Hamlin!  Lawrence Olivier!  There was something for everyone.  And it was sweet.  Perseus was in love with Andromeda, and she seemed like a really nice girl.  And Perseus had that slightly removed, amused look, like the really cute boy in 8th grade who is sitting through middle school but knows that he is made for a different world -- I loved that look.  And Burgess Meredith was there to make sure that Perseus became the champion.

So, I eagerly planned to take my 8 year-old son, who has grown to love mythology from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, to see the remake.  The original Clash had some rather amusing special effects that don't hold up well now, so I was looking forward to seeing the 3-D edition.  However, apparently the movie was not shot to be 3-D, and was sort of made 3-D "aftermarket" to jump on the bandwagon.  Not optimal.  The movie is also shot like it is in grayscale, with very little light or color.  The original was very light and colorful.  Moreover, the cinematography (if that's the right word) isn't the only thing that's dark about the 2010 Clash of the Titans.

In the remake, Perseus (played by our Avatar hero, Sam Worthington) is angry.  All the time.  Mangling the mythological story, the movie has him set to drift off to death in a casket with his mother, the wife of Argos King Acrisius, who later becomes "Calibos" in the underworld.  Zeus has impregnated the wife to shame Acrisius, making Perseus Zeus' son and a demigod.  When Acrisius tries to kill Perseus, Zeus kills him.  (In other stories, the mother is the daughter of Acrisius, who is correctly warned that her child will someday kill him.  "Calibos" is an invention of the 1981 movie, in which he was the son of goddess Thetis, who angered Zeus, causing Zeus to make him hideously ugly before his then-canceled wedding to Andromeda.)  So, poor 2010 Perseus' adopted fisherman family dies during fighting between Argos soliders and the gods, so he hates all the gods, including Zeus, and seems to hate the soldiers as well.  So, when he is called on to save Argos, a city which must choose between destruction and sacrifice of Andromeda for her queen mother Cassiopeia's vanity, by killing the undersea monster the Kraken, he's like "ugh, whatever."  (In the 1981 movie, Joppa was the name of the city to be destroyed -- I like to think that someone misremembered the book of Jonah there and really meant Ninevah.)  Our new Perseus doesn't seem to love Andromeda or mankind or life or anything.  He doesn't care if he dies or if his soldier comrades die.  He would, however, like to exact revenge against the gods before he dies.

Not only has our hero been converted into some sort of suicidal Holden Caufield, but the entire premise of the movie is overlaid with religious angst.  Mythology is full of incidents of gods acting badly and childishly.  The 1981 movie pitted Perseus against Calibos and the Kraken, with the gods on Olympus picking sides and playing favorites.  However, the 2010 version begins as relations between gods and men have completely broken down.  We are told that Zeus created humans so that they would worship him.  Now, he is suffering because of lack of worship, and the humans are suffering because of withheld blessings from Zeus.  A standoff.  And humans are rioting, pulling down statues of the gods, declaring themselves more powerful than the gods, and doing everything besides getting "I love hubris" tattoos.  The system is corrupt and corrupting everything in its path.  So Perseus' quest is not against another demigod as in the 1981 movie, but against the pantheon itself.  His antagonist is Hades, but he also rejects Zeus and his gifts so that he can win like "a man."

So, I'm a little disappointed.  Yes, there were scorpions the size of football stadiums, but there was no sweet romance, no amusing robotic owl, no witty goddesses.  Our Perseus is really Jake from Avatar, who never falls in love with the Na'vi people.  Cassiopeia is even played by Rome star Polly Walker, who seems to have just walked off one set and onto the next still in character.  I guess I should just turn to Netflix for the original!