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: A Public Defender's Life in Alaska

So, I was happy getting my boat together. Break up started in earnest yesterday. One of my favorite things is to shovel all of the snow off it. It takes a day or two to clear but then looks like a boat again. I got a couple of seats too and installed them tonight. Summer is coming. That means friends. Interns. Visitors. The boat, which has been a massive financial hole is finally running right. Knock on wood. I was looking forward to a summer of finally getting the girls out with me...a little fishing, camping, you name it. The weather has been great. I ate a great dinner of salmon. I have half a bottle of whiskey. Life is good.....Oh wait. What is that? J....you have been feeling sick. Oh sure take a test. Don't be silly. We have had all the stomach flu in the last few weeks. Do it if you feel the need. To my future son or daughter: please don't take this wrong. CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!
Just crap. I honestly don't know how to do this. I am sure I will love you as ferociously as my other two. But right now, I just don't see how to make it work. A third kid. One paycheck. I have honestly debated whether or not we could do this. I have seriously considered whether or not the pregnancy should be terminated. But in the end I could not have your blood on my soul. I am not a perfect man but, for the most part, I still think abortion is wrong. My children are my greatest joy. So. I will find a way. We live well. And it comes down to a toy or you, well you win. Rice and moose and heating with wood never hurt anyone. But. Crap. Just crap.

Full post as published by A Public Defender's Life in Alaska on March 17, 2010 (boomark / email).