Family Law

Tips to Follow for Holiday Parenting Time

By J. Benjamin Stevens

Separated, divorced, and divorcing parents can use the following tips regarding the 'nuts and bolts' of handling the Christmas holiday season:

1. Examine the parenting schedule in your Court Order to make sure you understand when you are supposed to have the children.  If you cannot find your Order, you can obtain a replacement from your attorney's office or the Clerk of Court where your order was filed.
2. Plan your Christmas schedule with family members according to the parenting schedule that is in place for you. For example, if you are to have the children from December 20 to December 24, do not invite your parents or extended family members to your home to celebrate Christmas with you and the children on December 25 and expect your former spouse or estranged spouse to agree to your request to have the children on Christmas Day.
3. Remember that children truly are resilient! Christmas Eve does not have to be celebrated on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day does not have to be celebrated on December 25 of each year. You and your children are free to celebrate the holiday when you have the children in your care and custody.  It is 'okay' to celebrate the holiday early, and it is entirely acceptable to celebrate the holiday 'after' the holiday.
4. If you have extended family members that absolutely can not comply with your parenting schedule for a given year, reach out to the ex-spouse or the estranged spouse to see if he or she would be willing to trade visitation time so that the children do not miss visitation with grandparents and/or extended family.
5. Treat your former spouse and/or your estranged spouse with respect and kindness (if at all possible!). You are much more likely to obtain compromise and flexibility in parenting time schedules if you are open and willing to compromise and adapt to change.
6. Assume that your children are your first priority and that their happiness and well-being is of paramount importance. This may remove the battle over whether Wife 'wins' or whether Husband 'wins' in visitation matters.
7. If you anticipate there is going to be a 'problem' with parenting time this year, there is little time to wait to file a motion with the Court to seek its intervention. Such a motion would need to be filed immediately to try to secure a hearing date before the holiday.

In my opinion, there are really no 'winners' in divorce proceedings – a family unit has been lost! In the best of situations, the parents of the children of divorce will cooperate with one another to achieve a workable parenting time schedule to meet the needs of the minor children of the parties.

Source:  "Planning Parenting Time for the Holidays – Tips to Follow" by Robert L. Mues, published at his Ohio Family Law Blog.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on December 21, 2009 (boomark / email).