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: Lag Liv

Things, cont.

By Anonymous

Once again, a long delay between posts. This situation has devolved from bad to worse and even though I desperately wanted to talk about it, I try to keep this blog about me and not others, a rule I adhere to even more strictly when the person is identifiable. So I drafted several long rants in my head and stayed away from blogger.

The biggest turn of events occurred on Wednesday when JP realized there was no possible way he could continue with the swim school. And more than that, the school was functionally splitting into three parts, each of which would be run by a different person, none of whom are him. I came downstairs after putting Landon to bed and overheard the end of his phone conversation with a person he'd hoped to continue working with. He looked broken. There's just no other word to describe it - until that point, he'd really believed his dream and all his hard work would continue on in some way. And I sat on the floor next to him and cried. For him- for all those late nights, for all the stress of business school and starting a new business, for all the time he gave up with me and Landon, for how much he loved that company and the coaching, and for all that work coming to nothing. And for me- for all those nights and weekend hours on my own, for all nights he tucked me in bed and I fell asleep alone while he worked, and for finally believing in something and having it crushed. He will be fine of course, he'll have an MBA from the University of Texas and an incredible learning experience on his resume, but it still sucks in a huge, heartbreaking way and I'm not done feeling upset about it.

Then I got sick on Thursday and spent 3 hours on Friday waiting for the doctor. I do not have the flu- although I started thinking that if I didn't have it at the time, I probably would soon after spending all that time in a waiting room. I've spent the weekend resting and re-reading the Twilight series. I just finished Breaking Dawn and am disappointed that it didn't improve with time. I'm even more disappointed that I am somehow drawn to the story anyway. Those books are a mystery to me- I loathe them for the bad writing and unforgivably shallow characters (and the creepy, controlling 100-year-old lover of the flat, ambitionless 18-year-old heroine), and yet, I stayed up too late last night finishing Eclipse. I can't explain it. I've never been a fan of daytime soaps or reality tv- maybe that's what these books are to me? Literary brain candy.

Tomorrow is our ultrasound for the first trimester genetic screening. It's much more detailed than the first one, and now that I'm 12-weeks the baby should look more like a person than a tadpole or little dot. It should be very fun to see him or her swimming around in my belly. I still can't quite believe I'm pregnant, I have to keep reminding myself of it. I look the same- I actually lost 5 lbs. in the last week thanks to being sick (don't worry, I'm working on getting it back), and I feel fine. Only the higher level of tiredness and the random distaste for certain foods keeps me aware that there's a baby growing inside me. Tomorrow should be lots of fun- a bright start to a new, hopefully far less eventful week.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on November 16, 2009 (boomark / email).