Miscellaneous

Tonight is the work/life balance panel at the law school. It's always nice to be invited back to speak, and I am very interested in the topic of balance, but did I mention before that there will be a parking place with my name on it?!

My previous post aside, for the past few days, I've been trying to distill my thoughts about balance into a pithy one-liner that attendees can take away.  The best I can come up with is: Don't compromise and never apologize.  What do you think?  It's counterintuitive enough that it might be memorable. 

In any case, I wanted to have something typed up in case I can't remember what it is I want to say (I am a bit on the tired side, since Peach is sick), and figured I might as well post it here. 

Generally:

• Decide what's more important: work or lifestyle. So, either pick a job that suits you and your lifestyle or if the job's more important, then tailor your lifestyle to your job.  If there is dissonance between the two, you can't balance them both. 
• Learn to delegate.  You really can't do it all, so figure out what is important and what is not.   (You can have it all, though - see below.)

About your general sanity:

• Take time every day to tend to your own sanity. Whatever it takes: wake up early for quiet time, do a crossword, hide in the bathtub, take the kids to the sitter and go to yoga.  Put this activity on your schedule as "busy" and honor it like you would a client meeting.  Don't apologize for taking it.  You earn it by everything you do in a day.
• Eat well and sleep well. Exercise.  Don't compromise on this, either.
• Declutter your space and your time.  It will make you more efficient and less stressed.
• Don't go to work sick. 

About extra-curricular activities (church committees, volunteer activities, kids' organizations, etc):

• Conventional wisdom is that to "have it all," you have to compromise: the career for the family or the other way around.  It's the classic "mommy war" scenario.  The more hours you put in at the office, the less involved in little Timmy's Boy Scout troop you can be. 
• I think that's crap.  The way you "have it all" is by being selective about what you do. 
• So, only do the things that are truly important. 
• If it's not critical and you don't want to do it, say "No" and nothing else.
• And by all means, don't apologize for it.

About work:

• Realize that no one is going to give you a gold star just because you show up and do your job.  Don't be obnoxious about it, but make sure the powers that be know how valuable you are to the company/agency. 
• Keep track of everything you do in a day.  Not just billables -- everything you do, even the random favors you do for other employees. Don't judge whether or not you're being good or bad, just write it all down. Keep your own copy of this record somewhere other than the office, because it might come in handy someday. 
• Don't apologize for taking what you're entitled to: sick days, vacation days, FMLA, leave, sabbaticals, volunteer days. 
• Don't make excuses for the times you have to leave early because your kids are sick (or whatever).  Not only does the boss not care about little Emma's sinus infection, he or she really only cares that you get your work done.  Make up the time that night or the next morning or Saturday, and let the boss know you've done that. 
• From time to time, look at your (tracked) schedule to look for ways you could be more efficient. The schedule is also useful if you ever catch crap from bosses about the time you do take for family reasons or the times you don't stay in the office until 2 AM.  Just trot out those daily schedules and explain exactly how it is you are pulling your weight and why they need to back off.  And when you need a favor from someone to whom you've done favors and that person isn't inclined to help out, refresh your (and his) memory with your past (tracked) schedules.