Legal Writing

If It Ain’t Broke, Improve It

Consider a recent attorney-authored article titled “Judgments for Defendants Continue in Stock Drop Cases”

Here’s the intro:

In June, the Northern District of Illinois issued two decisions dismissing employer stock drop claims in favor of defendants, one after an eight-day bench trial in Brieger v. Tellabs, Inc., 2009 WL 1565203 (N.D. Ill. June 1, 2009), and the other on summary judgment in Lingis v. Motorola, Inc., 2009 WL 1708097 (N.D. Ill. June 17, 2009). Both decisions continue the trend of judgment for defendants when stock drop claims are decided on the merits. 

If there’s nothing wrong with that intro,
what could be done to improve it?

____________
To improve the intro, you could:

• Hyphenate stock drop.
• Offer links to the decisions.
• Drop the Westlaw citations.

Here’s the result:

In June, the Northern District of Illinois issued two decisions dismissing employer stock-drop claims in favor of defendants, one after an eight-day bench trial in Brieger v. Tellabs, Inc., and the other on summary judgment in Lingis v. Motorola, Inc. Both decisions continue the trend of judgment for defendants when stock-drop claims are decided on the merits.

Hyphenate phrasal adjectives

The first change is a small aid to readers — it’s a convention to make the author’s meaning crystal clear.

The audience for this piece isn’t going to wonder whether the author was writing about employer-stock drop claims or employer stock-drop claims or employer stock drop-claims. Still, it’s best to use the convention regularly. Doing so helps portray the writer as one who pays close attention to detail.

Serve Your Readers

Offering links to the decisions has benefits. It shortens the whole thing, so readers have less to read (and if they’re busy, they like that). And it lets them access the decisions right away — without having to Copy & Paste a Westlaw number.

In addition, it portrays the firm (the publisher) as a master of common technology.

Look Sharp!

Given the links, why bother with Westlaw?

Don’t produce a PDF just like a memo printed on paper. Use the features that PDF offers.

Use the opportunity to demonstrate that your firm understands technology, and uses it well.

Full post as published by Set in Style on July 06, 2009 (boomark / email).