pstrongby Paul Varnell/strongbr /emFirst published in the bChicago Free Press/b on December 0, 2008/embr //p pMr. C. is incredibly busy right now with a last minute rush to finish all the
toys, get the reindeer in shape for the long trip, make sure the sleigh is in
proper repair and all. So he asked me if I would write our Christmas letter
this year. Goodness knows I have my hands full making the fruitcakes and
Christmas cookies, preparing the sweetmeats and candied fruits, but writing the
Christmas letter is a welcome break. It is like having a nice chat
over-the-backyard fence with all our friends at once./p
pThings went pretty well this year, all things considered. Our annual January
vacation in Miami Beach was a delight. Mr. C mostly relaxed after the taxing
Christmas Eve journey, lying in the sun and trying to get a suntan while I went
shopping at some of those fancy boutiques. This year Mr. C bought one of
those little bikini swim trunks which reveals some things I think I should be the
only one to see, but Mr. C pointed out that a lot of other men were wearing
them too. And he got me a lady's bikini to wear, but I'm not quite ready to try
that./p
pThe gay boys on the beach really cottoned to Mr. C. He was almost constantly
surrounded by young men who said he was a quot;Daddyquot; type. Mr. C. loved the
attention. One of the boys insisted that he wanted to come back north with us. So
we let him, to see how he liked it. I put him to work in the kitchen helping
with the cookies./p
pHe turned out to have quite a knack for baking. He did all kinds of
interesting things like adding a little nutmeg to this recipe, a little almond extract
to that one, a quarter of a mashed banana here, a dash of ground cinnamon or a
dollop of honey there. I'll have to confess that they certainly perked up the
flavor of some of my old recipes. I asked him how he knew all this. It turned
out his father had been a baker in some South American country, so he came by
it naturally./p
pWe had hoped to have a more relaxed pace of production during the spring, but
as the signals started coming in about the economic downturn around the
world, it became clear that parents weren't going to be able to buy all the toys
they normally do, and we would have to make up the difference./p
pWe tried bringing in a dozen or so quot;guest workerquot; elves from Germany, where
most of them seem to live, but once they got here all they did was complain
about the cold weather and the lack of that dark beer they drink all the time.
quot;When does spring arrive,quot; they kept asking, and Mr. C kept explaining, quot;It
doesn't!quot; So finally we had to send them back and resolved to do it ourselves./p
pAlong about August, some of the elves became interested in the battle down in
the United States over gay marriage, particularly the campaign in California.
The elves' gay caucus said they wanted to be able to marry too. So they
called a big meeting to petition Mr. C. to institute gay marriage./p
pquot;But you're all men, er, male,quot; said Mr. C. quot;And formal marriage has always
been just for opposite sex partnersmdash;men and women. So I don't see how you can
officially get married.quot; quot;But why are we limited by tradition?quot; the spokes-elf
asked quot;Well,quot; Mr. C. replied, quot;marriage is essentially about
reproductionmdash;the fact that men and women have children. You all don't have children.quot;/p
pThe spokes-elf didn't say a word. He just stared very hard at Mr. C. Then he
looked over at me, then back at Mr. C. It was so quiet in the meeting hall you
could hear a pin drop. I could hear the wheels turning in Mr. C's head.
Finally he said quietly, quot;Oh.quot; Then he held out his hand to me and I walked over
and took it in mine. quot;Well,quot; Mr. C. said, quot;I guess if Mrs. C and I are good
enough for marriage, you all are too. Let's do it.quot;/p
pThere was a big cheer from the assembled elves and I'll confess that I had a
tear in my eye. Mr. C is sometimes a little slow on these social issuesmdash;his
life is so wrapped up in toysmdash;but he almost always comes to the right position
eventually. The elves picked him up and carried him around on their little
shoulders. And so another crisis was averted./p
pWell, the rest of the year went smoothly, if rather busily. And so I close,
wishing you and yours a merry Christmas and the best from all of us./p
pMr. and Mrs. S. Claus/pdiv class="feedflare"
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Cipro The FDA is seeking to add black box warnings of the risk of tendon rupture associated with Cipro and Levaquin.
The ruptures can involve Achilles tendon, shoulder, hand, bicep or thumb tendons, and is especially increased in patients older than 60, or people who have received kidney, heart or lung transplants, as well as people on steroid therapy...
