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Turkey Bowling

Pushing aside the wet blanket over your personality that is law school can be wearisome. The fact is that this place, at this time of year, is a fun-killer.

Enter turkey bowling. The game feels adventurous enough to limber your character as we enter the exam period, and the rules are simple enough to recall even when highly intoxicated. Here is the gist:

1. Assemble your posse.
   
2. Go to the grocery store, and select a frozen turkey. You want the kind that comes wrapped entirely in plastic. The ten to twelve pounders are optimal.
   
3. Select about a dozen cans of food, preferably some variety that should never have been invented. E.g., canned eggplant, or Kimchi.
   
4. Travel to an out-of-the way aisle.
   
5. Arrange the cans like bowling pins (it helps to stack them two- or three-high) at one end of the aisle.
   
6. Bowl the turkey from the other end. 
   
7. Cackle gleefully as the turkey glides easily across a polished tile floor and the cans clatter and bounce.
   
8. Voilà! You are a better person!
   

Two final thoughts. It helps to stage a member of your posse behind the pins, where they can run interception on the turkey before it escapes the aisle and arouses suspicion. This is, however, merely a stall tactic; at some point you WILL arouse suspicion, and when you do the store WILL throw you out -- take my word for it. A few minutes of confrontation, however, is a small price to pay for a substantial November character boost.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Full post as published by Nuts & Boalts on November 23, 2008 (boomark / email).