Law Students

I bet you are curious about the bar exam result.  The truth of the matter was I was not in the least bit inclined to find out about my result, in part because I somehow convinced myself that I had failed the bar exam.  For the past few weeks I have kept myself deliberately ignorant of the exact date of the release of result, but no, the world would not cooperate.  

Yes, there were those who told me that “Oh, you’re smart!  You’ll pass!”  But what if I didn’t???  Would this mean that I’m dumb as dirt???!  And what would I do with the long 10 months in between before I take the bar exam again?  Thus, I turtled up into the shell of ignorant bliss.

The real story began last week, when out of nowhere, I received a letter from BarBri.  Now, I should have deleted it, but I did not because I was hoping they had announced that the bar examiners had lost the exam results, or that perhaps they felt so good about the bar exams they have seen, they have decided to pass everyone who took it.  Alas, that was not the case.  They gave an elusive answer as to when the bar will not be released, and asked me to check back at a later date, which I did not.

Later that week, I met with my mentor.  I told him/her that I did not know when the result would be posted and explained that ignorance is bliss.  Of course that did not detour him/her from e-mailing the result announcement date as soon as s/he found out.  Drats!

The night before it was released, I tossed and turned, feeling sick to my stomach.  I thought about all the ways I could have failed the exam, like the little contract rule that I had cited but forgot to re-state it in the fact, or the last tort question that I had not corrected because I ran out of time…or even the stupid MPT question that I finished in 80 minutes instead of the usual 100 minutes…The thoughts overwhelmed my senses.  A few hours later, my eyes snapped open and I was unable to fall back asleep.

On the day the result was released, I went to work.  I could have taken the day off, but I had class and work, and I really did not want it to be different from any other day.  Unfortunately, I was bombarded with messages and phone calls from people who knew that the results were out and about an hour after the bar was released, I finally got sick of people asking me to check that I gave in to their demands just to satisfy their curiosity.  I paced frantically back and forth as I waited for the result to load on the screen until the janitor came by and told me “I’m sure you’ll pass!  You seem soooo SMART!”  Huh.  Did I mention this was the first time I have ever seen this particular janitor?  That would just make failing hurt even more, would it not?

Five hours later…yes, five freaking hours later, I was eating lunch.  I decided to click the refresh button again, and it loaded.  I choked and pointed frantically on the screen, while my supervisor looked on.  Then there was this whole cat and mouse game where I asked my boss to look at the result while I hid in the adjacent office.  It took several minutes to load.  Out of darkness I whispered, “So?????”

“Are you ready?”  My boss spoke in slow motion.  This is killing me more than the three month wait for the result.

I could barely swallow.

And then she said those two little words.

My world will never be the same again.

And yes, I am going to make you wait in anticipation, out of the kindness of my heart, to experience how it was like to wait so long.