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Your Inner Yinzer 'n'at

By Anthony Cerminaro

Yinz gotta learn Picksburghese, especially yinz not from aron here, like doze of ya in Ahia, other parts of Pensivania, and even yunz up 'ere on da Sahside slopes, or ov'ere in Sliberrty, Sharteers Crick, da Mon or da Yock or dahntahn or in da Strip or near da carline in da Sout hills or in Oaklan near where Jaynell used ta be.

So take off yer babushka, redd up yer room, and if ya haven?t et yet, reach into yer cubberd for yer favorite snack. Get up off yer p'toot and off yer stoop and head to da Jynt Iggle. Grab some jumbo or chipped ham for a sammich and pop it in your poke. Or get some city chicken, and a Klondike. And to worsh it down, drink yer pop, or take yer church key and snap da top off an ahrn.

If ya cuttent or dittent understand what I jus wrote, yer prolly wonderin? what?s goin? on. Don?t worry, y'aint lost jet. 'Specially if yer nebby, stick with it. Don?t get tangled up in your gutchies, or be a jag off 'n'at. Don?t worry 'baht da sidewalks bein? slippy, or brown warter comin? out da kitchen spicket or if da Stillers will win this week. Put a gum band on your wrist soze ya remember. This is yuge.

That?s it Fort Pitt. Yer first lesson is over.

Roughly translated:

You must learn the local vernacular spoken by native Pittsburghers, especially those of you who are not from Pittsburgh, like those of you in Ohio, other parts of Pennsylvania and those of you who live in the South Side Slopes or East Liberty neighborhoods of Pittsburgh, or near Chartiers Creek or the Monongahela River, or the Youghiogheny River or in downtown Pittsburgh, or in the Strip District section of Pittsburgh or near the trolley tracks in the South Hills of Pittsburgh or in the Oakland section of Pittsburgh in the vicinity of the former site of the Jones & Laughlin steel mill.

So, remove the kerchief that is folded triangularly covering your head and tied below your chin, clean your room, and if you have not eaten, reach into your cupboard for your favorite snack. Get off your behind, leave your front porch and head to the local Giant Eagle grocery store. Buy some bologna or processed ham sliced as thin as an onion skin for a sandwich and place the items in a grocery bag. Or enjoy a meal of breaded pork and veal skewered and grilled, or a Klondike brand ice cream bar. And to wash it down, drink soda, or take a bottle opener and open a bottle of Iron City Beer.

If you could not or did not understand what I just wrote, you are probably wondering what is going on. Don?t worry, you are not lost yet. Especially if you are nosey, stay with it. Don't get tangled up in your underwear or be a jerk. Don?t worry about the sidewalks being slippery, or brown water coming out of the kitchen spigot, or if the Steelers football team will win this week. Put a rubber band on your wrist as a reminder. This is huge.

That?s all. Your first lesson is over.

If'n yinz wants further info, check abaht daht com or the Car-Nay-Ghee liberry or up air or ove' air.

Full post as published by Bizz Bang Buzz Blawg on August 25, 2008 (boomark / email).