Legal Commentary

So anyway, I have to admit I'm still completely wasted from all the Heller parties I've been attending. Except for Sunday--the official day of rest around here--it's been like non-stop. There was the Crips party on Saturday, a block party in the projects, with everyone joining in except the old women cowering behind doors. Then there was the Latin Kings party on Monday, ending with a motorcycle race down FDR Drive. The Mexican Mafia had their own party on Tuesday, and even though no hablo espagnol, the tequilas kept me company. And last night, the Bloods Heller party, which was totally off the hook. I mean, you haven't really lived until you've seen O.G. Mike raising his glass of Courvoisier and getting choked up as he quotes lines from Scalia. He ended by toasting all of them, Scalia, Roberts, Alito, Thomas, and Kennedy: "Our homeys in robes: much love, much props, peace out." In the spirt of the occasion, they capped the night by busting a round of caps in an empty police car. (At least it was empty after the officers ran for cover.) And these were just the major shindigs. I mean, every gang, even the small, no-name, just-a-bunch-of-kids-with-drugs-and-guns gangs have been having Heller parties.

Anyway, it's funny how I used to be a federal prosecutor in the SDNY, prosecuting gangs as a matter of fact, and now I occasionally do lobbying work for them. It's even funnier how everybody's focusing on the NRA and other conservative groups funding Heller and now these other lawsuits in San Francisco and Chicago. It's like the media hasn't clued in to the fact that 4-6% of gang dues--it varies depending on the gang, of course--goes to supporting gun challenges. I mean, these are the guys--and ladies (I almost forgot the Latin Queens)--who have always read the 2nd Amendment as an individual right. Sure, they know if they're busted using guns to commit a crime, there might be consequences. But now, after Heller, who's to say that their tutelary protector, that little handgun they keep at home, isn't to lawfully protect property, kith and kin? For that matter, who's to say that if they're Terry stopped and frisked, that little handgun isn't for lawful self-defense? The guns just need to be registered, right? Props to Scalia, indeed.

Anyway, all of these gangs--normally enemies, which is why they need guns for self-preservation--are completely united behind all this 2nd Amendment litigation. They tell me I should file a couple of lawsuits on their behalf. But I just shrug and remind them I draw the line at lobbying.

Okay, that's it for this post. I gotta rest up for another Heller party tonight.