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: A Public Defender's Life in Alaska

So, I am home. Am full of mixed emotions. I don't know why I do this to myself. On the one hand, for example, I got home last night after Kadee was in bed. This morning she opened the door to my room and just said "wow" and climbed into bed. I can't describe how that makes me feel. On the other hand, I had a great time in Ketchikan. The place felt right. Many thanks to Paul and KP for showing me a great time. I forgot my camera cord in Ketchikan so I can't post my pics from there until I get it (hopefully later this week). I did get to go out halibut fishing and learned quite a bit about how to boat a little more safely. I just don't know. Am glad to be home but I miss my new friends. I miss Ketchikan and I feel an almost overwhelming sadness. Damnit. Why do I always have to make things so complicated? I do have one other topic. If you do an internet search for 'Alaska Public Defender' this site comes up pretty high. As such, most of the new lawyers (and interns) who join this Agency have read this site at least once. What I find so interesting is that somehow I have created this huge disconnect between who I am on this site and who I really am. I have been told more than once that I am not as huge a "douche" in real life as I am on this site. The boyfriend of one new intern told her to 'stay away from that guy'. I'm not really sure how that is. I do this blog for three main reasons: first, I want to chronicle my daughters lives. That is the most important. Second, I enjoy doing it. I write for myself often, just to remember. Yes, yes, I know this is a public forum. Finally, I know that there are some people who do enjoy it. I try to write about my life in Alaska. I try to avoid work to a certain extent. Being a Public Defender I can't talk too much about work. Sometimes I complain about the Agency. But this Agency is FULL of intelligent, competent, passionate lawyers. And as much as Ketchikan felt like home, I don't see myself leaving Kenai in the short term. My supervisor is the best boss I've ever had. The office I work in is full of damn good lawyers. I am amazed at the talent that the Public Defender Agency has managed to gather. The bottom line: I'm not sure why sometimes I seem "strange" online. Maybe it is because I am open to the world about how I sometimes struggle as a man. Maybe it is my views or how I choose to live. But I don't care. I live where I want. I defend those who can't defend themselves. I am healthy. I am surrounded by beautiful girls. My friends are the highest quality people who walk this Earth. And when I am sad or down it is usually because I am surrounded by so many amazing people that I just don't have the time to spend with them. Today I miss my new friends but I am a lucky man. Happy Father's Day.

Full post as published by A Public Defender's Life in Alaska on June 15, 2008 (boomark / email).