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And You Too Can Be a Useless Politician!

By Fannie

Walter Bayes, a 70-year-old "retired blue-collar worker" running for a seat in the Idaho House of Representatives, has odd priorities. For instance, in his campaign literature he wrote:

"It is absolutely wrong to force any student to share the same bathrooms and showers with homosexual teachers or students."

Oh look, another guy whose status as "blue-collar average joe" apparently qualifies him to spout ignorant "I'm-afraid-of-teh-gay-sex" ideas that pass as "traditional values" of "the people." Lest anyone be mistaken, having blue-collar roots myself, I'm not mocking his socioeconomic status. Rather, I'm mocking how his less-than-well-thought-out bright ideas for saving the world pretty much turn him into a flannel-wearing-twangy mountain-man caricature of a bigot.

Observe.

After stating how wrong it is to "force" homos and heteros to share bathrooms and showers, he continues:

"I don?t really have an answer for it."

Oh dear god, whatever shall we do! Bayes just told us about this ginormous problem, but he doesn't *gulp* have an answer. I hope those Idahoan schoolchildren will somehow muster up the courage to go on living. Don't worry, kiddies, Bayes is on top of it. He continues:

"But we?re going to have to do something if there?s going to be a considerable number of our people who are going to go that way (homosexual). We?re going to (need) some kind of separation."

Yes, we have to do something about this newfangled gayness. It's a big problem and I don't know what we should do, but we best do something!

Now, to be fair, maybe Bayes just brought up the gay wedge issue as a way to let his voting base (assuming he has one) know that he disapproves of teh gays. If so, he should re-think his strategy 'cuz nothing says "you too can be a useless politician" like telling us about a "problem," admitting you don't know how to solve it, and then offering no solutions for it.

Weirdly, Bayes also gives us an extra special glimpse into his worst nightmare by stating that it would have been "an absolute catastrophe" for him to have showered with girls when he was 18. Cool beans. My first question, of course, is in what universe does a heterosexual 18-year-old male not want to shower with "the girls"? But more to the point, how does his statement relate to having separate bathrooms for homos/heteros? Um, if gay people shower with straight people, then boys and girls will have to shower together? I dun't get it.

In related news, none of Bayes' Republican opponents agree with him about the dire need for hetero-only facilities. As another candidate, Jeff Justus, says:

"We have a lot more important issues than that."

Hmm, ya think?

Full post as published by Fannie's Room on May 21, 2008 (boomark / email).