Law Students

Marrying Out

By Andrea

CM writes a post that reminds me what it was like to date my ex-boyfriend, who is Indian and whose parents expected him to marry an Indian girl of their particular ethnicity and religious denomination, although he had never shown any real interest in this plan. It wasn't very easy. I couldn't "meet" them in the traditional sense where we all acknowledged we were dating. My boyfriend would tell his parents he was out running errands if they called when we were on a date. I actually went to Thanksgiving at their house, except the official "story" for the benefit of some of the present relatives was that I was his sister's friend.

And everyone told me that this was a lot better than the usual situation, that they wanted absolutely nothing to do with his previous girlfriend, who had been Indian but Hindu, which was much worse than being non-Indian and Christian, that they were actually being kind of cool for their generation and that my boyfriend was being unusually forward about my existence. I felt like I was supposed to be incredibly understanding and grateful for not being shunned. I tried, but I felt pretty bad. It was clear that he was not supposed to marry me, and I felt like I wasn't good enough just because I wasn't Indian.

I wasn't really equipped for it because everywhere else in my personal life, just by luck, those battles had already been fought. My high school boyfriend's parents were a Vietnamese woman who married an American G.I. My college boyfriend had a white mom and a Mexican dad. And Dan and I? I knew that his mom was Jewish and his dad was Catholic. But he asked me how my family would handle a white, semi-Jewish dude. I laughed, and told him he'd be the third Jew to marry in. No worries.

I don't blame an older generation for being who they are and wanting to look out for their kids. I'm just glad to be in this one. I wonder what Becca's will be like.

Full post as published by Peanut Butter Burrito on May 16, 2008 (boomark / email).