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Vapidity

I'm on the BoltBus (with the wireless Internet) and the girl behind me is complete, absolute, total moron. Best of all, she goes to a fairly good Boston college. I'm so lucky I don't have to deal with people like this on a regular basis, because I would totally frigging lose it. At least five people on the bus have told her to shut up so far. Not only does she talk really loud on her cell, but it's in that lilting voice that hits a high note on the last syllable, sounding like a question. Not only is that the worst intonation ever inflicted on the human ear, but she also feels the need to catch up with 15 people during the trip.

But I did get a few nuggets for the storybook treasury. Here's what I learned on the trip:

1. She is annoyed at a friend because he says "nothing will ever happen between them," and she doesn't like him either, but doesn't like that he ruled out things between them. Like. She also knocks him for his lack of self-confidence. Lesson learned: All men: worship me!

2. "OMG, he must think I'm promiscuous, and I'm totally not promiscuous, but I'm afraid he thinks I am and I'm totally not putting out on the first date, I've decided. So what do you think of that?" Lesson learned: She'll put out on the first date.

3. She was mad at one friend for not calling her enough, but she is a forgiving person, and now understands that her sick grandmother must take precedence over her jabbering. Lesson learned: Motormouth is merciful.

4. "The Met is like SO much better than when we went in eighth grade. The art must have gotten better since then, right?" Lesson learned: Art made pre-2002 sucks.

5. "We went to Greenwich Village to the sex shops to get dildoes, but they didn't have any good colors." Lesson learned: It's color, not size, that matters.

6. To friend: "You are like the stupidest person I know! Why? Because you don't know anything. You're so stupid. Oh, was that harsh?" Lesson learned: Lack of tact does not effect intelligence.

7. She's the Man, starring Amanda Bynes? Really, really good movie. Lesson learned: "The person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope."

Full post as published by Wicked Words on May 14, 2008 (boomark / email).