Home -> Law Blog Directory -> Bar Exams Blogs -> A Season of Mists

Bar Exams

: A Season of Mists

Non-happening?

By Alan

So boardgame.girl called me at 7:45pm, when she got out of her meeting. She's tired so no meeting up tonight. We'll talk later this week. She'll be at the Saturday gaming.

This is where my insanity starts to shine. See, paranoia is wont to set in with thoughts like "maybe something's wrong" or "maybe she doesn't want to see me" or "this thing's already gone South."

I got her call while I was sitting in a Starbucks, drinking coffee and reading a book, waiting for her to call. Those were my first thoughts. Shit. Is this non-thing already a non-happening?

But then, as I drove home by way of the mall (had to snag Sweeney Todd, which came out today), I thought to myself: "Wait just a second. She was into me last night. I know that. From the conversation, her body language, her smile. I have no regrets about anything I said or did last night. I went for it and it worked." I smiled to myself. "Even if this did go South, I did nothing wrong and I have no regrets." If anything is wrong, it's on her end.

Maybe she's just tired. I certainly am. It's been 4 nights in a row of minimal sleep (5-6 hours per night). Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Get some sleep. Let this marinate. The ball is in her court. I know what I want here. I may not know where my career is going, but I know what I want here. With no reservations, few if any doubts, I know.

I also know that some of the above sounds like transference - "it's not me, it's her" - but I honestly believe that. I'm game for this. For the first time in a long time, I'm ready.

That's something else. It happened with the lawschoolgirl (whom I briefly dated for 5-6 weeks during my second year of law school) - I tumbled fast and was too insistent, too ready. If and when I fall, I fall. No pause, no parachute, I fall. With lawschoolgirl, it was.. too much for her. I was ready to spend time with her, to make it something immediately, and she wasn't. Not at all. She needed her space and I could not brook that.

I don't think that's a big issue here. There's lots of space. But then again, tonight would have been the third night in a row. (It sort of just happened like that.) I dunno.

So we'll see what happens. I have gaming on Wednesday and Thursday, and I believe she has meetings or some such those nights. I'll either wait for her to call or I'll call her on Friday, see how her week went? I dunno. I'm bad at starts and I'm even worse at the middlings, the indeterminate periods. Ah Hell, I'm bad at all of this crap. We shall see what we shall see.

Full post as published by A Season of Mists on April 02, 2008 (boomark / email).