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Ismail Ax: Biblical, Literary, Musical, or Gamertag????

18 Apr

Filed Under Virginia Tech Shooting | Leave a Comment

Ismail AxWritten in red ink on the arm of Virgina Tech killer Cho Seung Hui, the two word phrase “Ismail Ax” has inspired more theories than the number of background checks required before he could purchase his 9mm gun. Oh… wait a minute. I mean don’t wait a minute. There were no required background checks and no required waiting period before the known psychiatric hospital patient was able to purchase the weapon he used to kill 32 people.

The leading theories:

  • Biblical: Abraham, known as Ibrahim in Islam (notice how the Koran has to tweak everything from the Old Testament), smashed all but one statue in a local temple with an ax, in protest that people in his hometown worshiped idols and not Allah. His son Isaac is known as Ismail in the Koran. Perhaps Choo was upset no one seemed to worship him. Or was symbolizing his singular worship for a women with whom he was obsessed. Read more

    

    The Plays of Virgina Tech Shooter Cho Seung-Hui: Richard McBeef and Mr. Brownstone

    17 Apr

    Filed Under Evidence Room, Citizen Justice, Virginia Tech Shooting | 2 Comments

    Virginia Tech’s Cho Seung-Hui was known by few on campus until yesterday, but those who knew him from English class knew an eerily quiet, disturbed student who wrote creepy plays about families throwing hammers and chainsaws at one another.  Plays creepy enough to cause his creative writing instructor to recommend counseling.

    USLaw Celebrity Justice has obtained the violent text of Cho Seung-Hui’s play Richard McBeef.  (Bookmark to be alerted to other plays and writing currently being processed.)

    Richard McBeef

ACT ONE

SCENE 1

(It is morning.  The sun is s shining through the windows of
the kitchen. John enters the kitchen, grabs a cereal bar,
and opens it. Richard I~1cBeef is sitting in the kitchen
with his legs crossed reading the newspaper.)

RICHARD
Hey John.

(He forces a smile at him.)

JOHN
What’s up, Dick!

(He frowns.)

RiCHARD
Try dad.

JOHN
You ain’t my dad and you know it, you Dick.

(John chews on the cereal bar angrily.)

RICHARD
Come on, John. Sit down. 1’~e need to have man-to-man talk.

(Richard pulls a chair next to him from under the table.)

JOHN
Man—to—man up your ass1 bud!

(John sneers Lhen proceeds to the living room and turns on
the TV. Richard follows him, sits down, and faces him.)

RICHARD
I may not be your biological father, but I’m your new father.
We live under the same roof. We really need to get along. Come
on, son, give me a chance.

(Richard gently rests his hand on John's lap.)
hand on John’s lap.)

JOHN
What the hell are you doing!

(John slaps Ricahrds's hand.)

JOHN (Cont'd)
What are you, a Catholic priest! I will not be molested by an
aging balding overweight pedophilic stepdad named Dick!
Get your hands off me you sicko!  Damn you, you Cathloic
priest. Just stop it, Michael Jackson. Let me guess, you
have a pet named Dick in Neverland ranch and you want me to
go with you to pet him1 right?

(He sighs and ignores the comment.)

What is it you want from me, what do you want me to do?  Why
are you so angry at me--

    Read more

    Mistress 13: “So, do you like to be Tied Up?”

    11 Apr

    Filed Under Astronut | Leave a Comment

    Remember James Lovell heroically saving ill-fated spacecraft Apollo 13 by jerryrigging a homemade gas valve with duct tape and other spare parts? Apparently NASA is still teaching such home brew skills. Love-torn Atstronut Lisa Nowak gathered plenty of home items when she made her non-stop diaper laden drive to find the women that stole her boy friend. We knew about the BB gun, brand new steel mallet, knife, and rubber tubing that were immediately found in her car. Now we learn what she may have wished to do with these items. According to a forensic examination report by the Orlando Police Department, sixteen images on a disk found in her car depicted bondage scenes showing images and drawings of a nude woman.

    Did she like to be tied up? Did she plan to tie up her rival? Which would make a better film? Lovell’s exploits were captured to much fanfare by Tom Hanks in the film Apollo 13. Who will play play the part of Lisa Nowak? When her scheduled trial starts in September, she may have to claim an interest in the former for these potentially incriminating images not to bolster the prosecution’s argument that she intended to harm her victim.

    Imus Vindicated, Duke Lacrosse Case Dropped

    11 Apr

    Filed Under Duke Lacrosse, Render Verdict | Leave a Comment

    Free at least, free at least, thank god almighty, the Blue Devils are free at last.

    North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper, who took over the case from embattled Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong after he was charged with unethical conduct, has dismissed charges against Duke lacrosse players Reade Seligmann, David Evans, and Collin Finnerty.  The redeemed players, whose legal bills are no doubt well over a million dollars, are weighing whether a law suit against Durham Country or Mike Nifong makes sense.

    “What do you think about that Reverend Sharpton?,” Don Imus was heard asking.

    Here Comes the Ho

    10 Apr

    Filed Under Citizen Justice, Render Verdict, Law Students | Leave a Comment

    Third year Brooklyn Law School student Andriana Dominguez was filmed nude in Playboy TV reality show “Naked Happy Girls” getting spanked and holding gavels to her bosom. No one has yet accussed her of being Nappy Haired, but should fears she will be greeted with “Here comes the Ho” when she enters court rooms put he admittance to the state Bar into question?

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