Jeremy Blachman's Brand New Weblog: Miscellaneous

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Miscellaneous

Jeremy Blachman's Brand New Weblog

I had a weblog before. This is my new one. I went to law school. But now I've written a novel. It's based on this other blog I've been writing (click here). This blog is to talk about that process, and whatever else I feel like writing about. I'll try to make it worth your while. I'm sometimes funny. Sometimes. Thanks for stopping by.

Post Frequency: 2.8/day

Last Entry: May 03, 2013 at 10:09:26

Work from H.O.M.E.

Posted on May 03, 2013
My newest at McSweeney's. Recall the Yahoo you-can't-work-from-home news from earlier this year. At this fictional company, you're not only permitted to work from home, but you MUST work from home. Well, H.O.M.E., their new Headquarters Of Mass Enslavement...

Greetings from your Soon-to-be Realtor

Posted on April 29, 2013
There was a recent New York Times piece about realtors desperate to find vacant New York City apartments to sell. My latest piece imagines one of those realtors. How are you enjoying your high-speed Internet? Hope you?ve downloaded everything you're....

Belly Rub

Posted on April 25, 2013
The New York Times ran a story a few weeks ago about the difficulty of finding pet-friendly apartments in NYC. My newest humor piece, at Barnes & Noble, looks at the issue from a dog's perspective. SPOT JONES is a...

Please Consider The Environment Before You Print This Humor Piece

Posted on April 25, 2013
Over on Medium, published on Earth Day. Please also consider the environment before you print it, throw it away, print it again, realize you already read it, throw it away, print it again, realize you've now read it three times,...

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"I Have So Many People To Thank..."

Posted on April 19, 2013
A new piece on The Millions, about extra-long acknowledgments at the back of books... A book may have only one name on the cover, but in reality it is written by millions of people ? or at least this book...

About Our Serious News Magazine's Brand New Redesign, Yo.

Posted on April 17, 2013
My latest piece is on Medium, and it's about the future of journalism. In our very first issue, back in 1704, we pledged to engage our readers in spirited debate about the most critical issues of our time, no matter...

Pardon the Construction

Posted on March 26, 2013
A new piece of mine on Splitsider... Pardon the Construction: Our Plastic Surgery Clinic is Undergoing a Face Lift: We'll be pulling the rug as tight as we can, and turning the walls a completely different color than they currently...

Artisanal Preservington, New York

Posted on March 14, 2013
My favorite thing I've written so far in 2013 is about hipsters moving to the suburbs, for the Barnes & Noble Review: "Every train is now a hybrid, and made mostly from corn. You just hop on board, start pedaling,...

"My Grandmother Reviews The Medication At The Bottom of Her Purse"

Posted on February 28, 2013
My newest piece, over at theNewerYork's Electric Encyclopedia of Experimental Literature. The Round Blue One: ?This one is very good. I think it may be for my memory, but I?m not sure. It might be for my heart. Either way,...

Frequently Asked Questions About Girl Scout Cookies

Posted on February 23, 2013
My latest at The Huffington Post: 3. What parts of girls are used in the making of Girl Scout Cookies? Contrary to popular belief, Girl Scout Cookies do not currently contain any parts of actual girls. This is a rumor...

How To Internet for Writers

Posted on February 07, 2013
I really like my latest piece on The Bygone Bureau, "How To Internet For Writers." "Welcome to How To Internet for Writers, our workshop on how you can most effectively use social media to promote yourselves and your books. I...

Friends, Classmates, Donors

Posted on February 03, 2013
My latest at Barnes & Noble is an e-mail exchange between the head of fundraising for the 10th anniversary college reunion class and a guy who doesn't want to give a donation. If you've ever been shaken down for money...

Uncle Gets a Name

Posted on January 30, 2013
My latest adventure babysitting my 20-month-old niece, over at Kveller: I carefully coaxed her favorite stuffed animal of the moment, Mo the Cow (short for Mooey!), out of her hands and onto the table (facing Lila, to watch her eat...

My Girlfriend (A Manti Te'o Satire)

Posted on January 25, 2013
My latest on The Huffington Post... I met my girlfriend on Twitter. Our first date we stayed up half the night retweeting tweets and creating new hashtags.... We once stayed up all night on Facebook, naked, liking each other from...

Weather or Not

Posted on January 16, 2013
My latest, over at The Big Jewel, about The Weather Channel's purchase of Weather Underground and the nonsensification of weather reporting. ?You know there are people out there just waiting for clouds like these. People waiting to tell you that...

2013 eBook Preview

Posted on January 15, 2013
My latest at Barnes & Noble... "January 22 -- "Inside The Inauguration," an exhaustive, insider's look at Barack Obama's second Presidential inauguration, set to be published just twenty-four hours after the President takes the oath of office... the most complete...

Your Workplace Holiday Party

Posted on December 20, 2012
My latest at Barnes & Noble, just in time for the holidays: Please enjoy this delicious spread of food paid for with the money that used to fund our health insurance plan. It might make you sick, but that's entirely...

Temple Beth El Dorado is back for Chanukah

Posted on December 10, 2012
...with a brand-new parody synagogue bulletin, complete with an invite to the 18th Annual Chanukah Dinner-Dance, Torah Auction, Latke-palooza, and Hoop-of-Burning-Oil Children's Toss. Here's the link. (Happy Chanukah!)

Cabin Pressure

Posted on November 26, 2012
Satirizing the airline safety lecture: Our Academy Award-winning crew, trained to act as if this flight meets all FAA safety regulations, is currently coming through the aisle, looking to ensure that your seat backs are in an upright position, your...

Thank You For Being My Health Care Proxy

Posted on October 31, 2012
I've got a new piece on The Bygone Bureau satirizing the health care proxy. If no one else has satirized health care proxies... perhaps there's a good reason. Quick teaser: 1. If I am conscious, but have lost the ability...

A Friendly Change To Our Access Policy

Posted on October 29, 2012
I'm particularly proud of my newest humor piece, over at Feathertale, which posits a new solution to the problem of free riders on the Internet: a technology code-named FRANK, and actually named FRANK, who monitors website traffic with his eyes,...

Horses, Bayonets, Cannonballs, and Sharp, Pointy Rocks

Posted on October 27, 2012
I've got a new piece on The Huffington Post about the third presidential debate: NARRATOR: Fewer ships. Fewer horses. And more games downloaded from the iTunes app store by our military personnel than under any previous president. Do you want...

Binders Literally Full of Actual Women

Posted on October 22, 2012
Over at The Huffington Post.... All about where Mitt Romney actually likes to store his women. Or something like that. If you watched the second presidential debate... Here's the link.

Temple Beth El Dorado

Posted on October 22, 2012
Matthew David Brozik and I put together a fictional synagogue bulletin that we're very proud of. If you've ever read a synagogue bulletin, and want to read one that is poking gentle, satirical fun at the form, check it out!...

Entering The Academy

Posted on October 02, 2012
I've got a new piece on Barnes & Noble inspired by a conversation with a friend about the nursery school application process, which sounds TERRIBLE, but at least they don't make the two-year-olds write an essay. But if they did......

New Humor Piece: Tying the Interfaith Knot

Posted on September 24, 2012
I've got a new humor piece at Barnes & Noble imagining the world's most interfaith wedding ceremony. This excerpt makes more sense in context, but it's my favorite paragraph in the piece, so here it is: ...But first I would...

The iMop 5: Buckets Sold Separately

Posted on September 24, 2012
My latest on The Huffington Post. Presenting the iMop 5. First leaked on Washable.com. Perfect for social wetworking. And can clean up even the largest spills from the iMop FrappStore. Store all of your dirt in a cloud, with the...

Todd Akin, Chief of Police

Posted on August 22, 2012
I've got a silly piece on The Huffington Post pondering Todd Akin as a police chief: "OK, everyone, no need to worry. I'm sure the missing child will turn up. We all know that in a legitimate kidnapping, a child's...

Uncle Changes Diaper

Posted on August 15, 2012
A few months ago, I wrote a piece about babysitting my niece, Lila, for an hour and a half. This time, the stakes were much higher-- eight hours, alone, with a now-18-month-old toddler! Find out whether she survived by clicking...

A Taste of New York

Posted on August 13, 2012
My latest piece at the Barnes & Noble Review, timed for Restaurant Week, and building off a recent New York Times article about the restaurant Eleven Madison Park rejiggering its menu to celebrate the "romance and history of New York."...

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