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Last Entry: November 08, 2009 at 12:34:41

The kids are alright: How children of same-sex couples are doing

Posted on November 08, 2009
The New York Times shows how children of same-sex couples are doing just fine, highlighting research by Abbie E. Goldberg, an assistant professor in the department of psychology at Clark University and author of ?Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children...

Appreciating strengths: Accepting different ways of parenting

Posted on November 04, 2009
The New York Timesdiscusses a study about involving fathers, as well as the benefits of co-parenting or parallel parenting. Laurie Tarkan writes (excerpt): . . . [T]he critical difference was not greater involvement by the fathers in child-rearing but greater emotional support between couples...

A bit foreign, scary even: Collaborative divorce

Posted on November 03, 2009
Single Parent Gossip shares the method for using collaborative law to resolve your divorce out of court. Talibah Mbonisi writes (excerpt): . . . In this cooperative framework, both parties also agree to: - Act in their children?s best interests to minimize any negative impact that the situation could have on them...

What’s my chances of getting a divorce? Statistical factors associated with divorce

Posted on October 30, 2009
The New York Times focuses on a different topic (Money Talks to Have Before Marriage), but includes an interesting discussion of statistical analysis and the risk of divorce. Ron Lieber writes (excerpt): The risk that any marriage will end in divorce is about 45 percent, according to David Popenoe, a professor of sociology emeritus at Rutgers University...

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The inventor of the Collaborative Divorce Process

Posted on October 23, 2009
Stu Webb is being honored for finding a better way to divorce at the 10th International Academy of Collaborative Professionals Educational Forum.

Most expansive: What motherhood means to Uma Thurman

Posted on October 22, 2009
USAToday shares some of Uma Thurman’s reflection on motherhood and “Motherhood,” including struggling to balance home and work lives, and being caught outside in her nightgown. Olivia Barker writes (excerpt): So, then, what does motherhood mean to her? “It’s an invitation to love...

The Reader: Why No Outrage About an Adult Female Sexually Molesting an Adolescent Boy?

Posted on October 09, 2009
I am alarmed that we?ve heard very little outrage at the normalization of an adult woman having sex with an adolescent boy as seen in the academy award winning movie The Reader.� This lack of anger speaks to the gender constructed sexuality in our culture...

Maximum impact: How to organize your trial evidence

Posted on October 09, 2009
The ABA’s McElhaney on Litigation suggests replacing chronology with groups of vivid word pictures. Jim McElhaney writes (excerpt): http://www.abajournal.com/magazine/give_chronology_a_timeout McElhaney on Litigation ?. . . Tell them the story...

Mediators can help collaborative divorces smooth out rough edges

Posted on October 07, 2009
ABA Book Briefs Blog features a divorce mediation excerpt from the book “Collaborative Law: Achieving Effective Resolution in Divorce without Litigation,” Second Edition by Pauline H. Tesler (excerpt): If a collaborative case runs into problems, a “meta-mediator” can help everyone get through the challenging phase...

How to increase your custodial-parenting time

Posted on September 29, 2009
Richard Forrest Gould-Saltman posted a summary of how a non-custodial parent can maximize parenting time. The summary was written with California in mind, but many of the principles are equally applicable across the country. Mr. Gould-Saltman writes: The things you need to do to maximize your success as a parent with custodial time, and the chances [...

Why won’t he talk to me? How to argue with a man about money, housework, friendships and sex

Posted on September 26, 2009
CNN and O, The Oprah Magazine explain that research confirms men and women experience the same relationship very differently and that patience and humor can work better than more of the same. Gretchen Reynolds writes (excerpt): “It’s quite possible that he can’t respond in any other way...

5 secrets to a great marriage plus “sexual healing”

Posted on September 25, 2009
Brides magazine summarizes five rules for getting and keeping a great marriage. Then it adds a few words about having plenty of sex. Lexi Dwyer writes (excerpt): 1. Do things together. . . . 2. But also do things separately. . . . 3. Don?t diss. . . ...

Persuading the stubborn: How to get through to someone who won’t listen to you

Posted on September 24, 2009
PowerHomeBiz.com reveals 5 powerful and persuasive moves for getting through a person’s mental defenses based on the work of Mark Goulston, the author of JUST LISTEN. The 5 tips include: ?Do you really believe that?? The Power of Hmmm . . . The Stipulation Game The Impossible Question...

He loves me, he loves me not: What do your children think?

Posted on September 15, 2009
The New York Times summarizes the research showing how TV guru Phil McGraw and Supernanny Jo Frost have it all wrong: using “I Love You” to control behavior harms children. Alfie Kohn writes (excerpt): In practice, according to an impressive collection of data by Dr...

Collaborative Divorce: Investing in cooperation now brings less fights for parents later

Posted on August 23, 2009
The Traverse City Record-Eagle introduces the concept of the gentler divorce through Collaborative Divorce to our neighbors to the north. Vanessa McCray writes (excerpt): But feelings and the family’s future are not to be overlooked. Divorce is a “devastating and emotionally intense time, even if you’ve chosen to use this model,” she said...

Tip #1 on how to persuade

Posted on August 21, 2009
Examiner.com explains that becoming more persuasive starts with your personal credibility. Robert Morris writes (excerpt): There are several outstanding books in which their authors provide a wealth of different perspectives, comments, and suggestions...

Getting the most out of your brain

Posted on August 18, 2009
Real Simple explains how to get your brain to operate more efficiently. Jonah Lehrer lists 10 ways to improve your thinking (excerpt): 1. Tap your emotions. 2. Don’t think under pressure. 3. Consider alternative points of view. 4. Challenge your preferences...

The first to make the facts come alive: Gaining the advantage in bench trials

Posted on August 14, 2009
The ABA’s McElhaney on Litigation reminds us of how to persuade a judge. Jim McElhaney writes (excerpt): ?You are talking directly to a fellow human being about the ?gut stuff? of life. What?s right and what?s wrong. Fair and unfair. Just and unjust...

Dowry offer for Chelsea Clinton: And Rumi thought the price of kissing was your life

Posted on August 09, 2009
CNN reports on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s promise to “convey this very kind offer.” Moni Basu writes (excerpt): What can 40 goats and 20 cows buy a Kenyan man? Chelsea Clinton’s love, if you ask Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor...

Persuading without fake sincerity: The truth behind effective public speaking

Posted on August 08, 2009
Courtroom Performance’s new book, The Lawyer?s Winning Edge: Exceptional Courtroom Performance highlights four aspects of persuasion. Lisa L. DeCaro and Leonard Matheo write (excerpt): Remember these four important truths, and filter all advice through them: 1...

When the kids come between you: save your marriage, help your children

Posted on July 30, 2009
CNN and Parenting.com gives us 11 tips on how to save your marriage from your kids Teri Cettina’s list includes (excerpt): Create warm welcomes Try 20-minute reconnects Set early bedtimes Share the load Encourage your kids’ independence Revive your past Put sex on your schedules Fight as if the neighbors can hear you Remember: Dad’s way works, too Be a cheap date Understand the stages of marriage

Grand Rapids Collaborative Child Specialists

Posted on July 25, 2009
Gentler Divorce’s list of collaborative child specialists in Grand Rapids who are trained and committed to collaborative divorce includes: Peter Everts Mary Lier Linda Ringleka Michael Ryan Leslie Visser

Grand Rapids Collaborative Divorce Mental Health Professionals and Divorce Coaches

Posted on July 24, 2009
Gentler Divorce’s list of collaborative mental health professionals and divorce coaches in Grand Rapids who are trained and committed to collaborative divorce includes: Craig A. DeWitt Peter Everts Denise Hames Mary Lier Linda Ringleka Michael Ryan Thomas Spahn Leslie Visser Charlene Wickering

Grand Rapids Collaborative Divorce Lawyers

Posted on July 23, 2009
Gentler Divorce’s list of collaborative attorneys in grand rapids who are trained and committed to collaborative divorce includes: Deborah Bennett Berecz Melanie DeStigter Anthony Gauthier Susan Wilson Keener Courtney L. Quist Ric Roane David Sarnacki Randy Velzen

A really good story = persuasive closing argument

Posted on July 10, 2009
ABA Journal’s McElhaney on Litigationshows how to make your closing argument ring true. Jim McElhaney writes (excerpt): Cabbages and Insance Goats ?Thirty years ago, the late Craig Spangenberg of Cleveland said, ?The greatest weapon in the arsenal of persuasion is the analogy, the story, the apt comparison to something the jurors know from their own experience to [...

Marriage counseling: Therapists help those who help themselves?

Posted on July 06, 2009
The Detroit Free Press identifies the need for couples to take action, work with their marriage counselor and avoid four obstacles to a successful therapy relationship. Alex Kecskes writes (excerpt): 1. Couples don’t have a goal in mind. They’re stuck in their own feelings about the relationship, their own blame about how their partner has wronged them, [...

Negotiating skills: 5 tips for persuasion

Posted on July 04, 2009
Examiner.com shows how to prioritize negotiations from most important to least important. The commentary concludes with another hearty recommendation of Robert Cialdini?s Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In between those two points, the author includes five guidelines for formal negotiations...

Just how temporary is the custody awarded to Michael Jackson?s mother?

Posted on July 03, 2009
The New York Times adds a little context to the looming custody issues following Michael Jackson’s death and the apparent change of heart by Debbie Rowe toward 12-year-old Michael Joseph Jackson Jr. and 11-year-old Paris Michael Katherine Jackson, 11...

Create a happy, healthy marriage: 9 tips

Posted on June 27, 2009
CNN and Health Magazine show how making some effort leads to making your marriage last. Kate Stinchfield explains 9 ways to a happy, healthy marriage (excerpt): 1. Watch your waistline 2. Have a financial plan 3. Figure out your family rules 4. Make sex a priority — but not a chore 5...

Happy divorces: using collaborative divorce to avoid more trauma

Posted on June 26, 2009
Smart Money shows how making joint decisions can cost less and feel better. Aleksandra Todorova writes (excerpt): The goal of collaborative divorce is to avoid that. “In a collaborative divorce, the decisions have to be made by the couple,” Stoner says...

The power of explanation: how to be a great communicator

Posted on June 25, 2009
Bloomberg shows how persuasion requires explanation and gives 3 tips for becoming a more effective communicator. John Baldoni writes (excerpt): Define what it is. The purpose of an explanation is to describe the issue, the initiative, or the problem...

Rush to judgment: how to lower the costs of divorce

Posted on June 24, 2009
Smart Money declares the top 5 divorce mistakes and highlights divorce mediation in the process. Stacey L. Bradford writes (excerpt): 4. Rushing to Court The fastest way to run up those hourly attorney fees is to go to court. While a regular divorce costs around $8,000, one that goes to trial can easily run upwards of $20,000, says [...

Finding the right balance: work and family

Posted on June 23, 2009
CNN & CareerBuilder offer tips for mixing family and career. Jason Ferrara writes (excerpt): 1. Communicate Don’t reserve your open dialogues only for your boss. Make sure you’re talking to your family about what’s happening at work ...

Back seat drivers: Moms who control dads’ time with the kids

Posted on June 22, 2009
The Wall Street Journal shows how “gatekeeper” mothers can help or hinder the involvement of fathers. Sue Shellenbarger writes (excerpt): Some ideas on avoiding the gatekeeping trap: Skills training. . . . In the hospital after childbirth, Mr...

Fatherhood: having the courage to raise a child

Posted on June 21, 2009
Parade Magazine shares some fatherly advice from our President. President Barack Obama writes (excerpt): . . . When we work hard, treat others with respect, spend within our means, and contribute to our communities, those are the lessons our children learn...

Feeling guilty about your divorce? How to overcome guilt

Posted on June 17, 2009
Attorney Mike Mastracci shares Dr. Paul Wanio’s tips for understanding guilt in divorce: Nobody’s perfect and that’s OK. Everyone makes mistakes, even when they’re doing their best. Divorce is like death in that you and your children need to grieve for the losses divorce entails...

Before the relocation: living together after filing for divorce

Posted on June 13, 2009
Dr. Deborah Hecker.com/ published tips for living together separately after the divorce; many suggestions would work well for that time period when a divorce is filed or imminent but neither spouse has relocated: Be civil and respectful at all times. Both parties and their children must be clear that the arrangement is temporary...

Not quite a top ten list: 6 principles for raising healthy children of divorce

Posted on June 10, 2009
Attorney Mike Mastracci shared 6 principles for putting your children first: Avoid playing the blame game. Don’t blame your ex for the divorce, for lack of money, or for the loss of your home or possessions. Your problems with your spouse are adult issues that shouldn’t be aired in front of the children...

Today is your lucky day & you can’t control it!

Posted on June 09, 2009
CNN shows us the difference between controlling the outcome and controlling how we face the outcome. Peter Bregman writes (excerpt): So here’s the good news: You can change your results by changing your mind-set. When Dweck trained children to view themselves as capable of growing their intelligence, they worked harder, more persistently, and with greater success on [...

Raising healthy children of divorce: a top 10 list

Posted on June 06, 2009
Dr. Deborah Hecker provides these suggestions for understanding and meeting the needs of their children: The ?best interests of the children? does not mean the immediate gratification of the client and his/her need for me-me-me. Over and over again, the focus should be pro-child and centered on building a safety net for the children...

Losing an honorable man: Judge Michael Smolenski

Posted on June 02, 2009
The Grand Rapids Press reports on the passing of Judge Michael Smolenski, 64, who died from a rare neurological disease. Nardy Baeza Bickel writes (excerpt): Rretired Michigan Appeals Court Judge Michael Smolenski passed away Saturday night after battling a rare neurological disease in recent years and five months after voluntarily retiring because of his debilitating condition...

Keeping the kids out of it: Jon & Kate plus anger, infidelity, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera

Posted on June 01, 2009
The Detroit Free Press uses the Jon and Kate Gosselin saga at TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ as a springboard for a discussion about mistrust, honesty and forgiveness. And what about the children? Erin Chan Ding writes (excerpt): BENSKEY: You always want to reassure a child that the problem has nothing to do with them...

If you try collaborative divorce first, you might just come out with some communication skills

Posted on May 25, 2009
The Orlando Sentinel reports on how collaborative divorce promotes a kinder, gentler process. Mark Schlueb writes (excerpt): “You’re focusing on the children from the start,” she said. “And people who have been through it say they came out with communication skills they didn’t have before...

Completely different: functioning as co-parents after the collaborative divorce

Posted on May 06, 2009
The Fort Worth Business Press how to work through complicated divorce issues with collaborative divorce attorneys. Leslie Wimmer writes (excerpt): In traditional cases ?you have mom and dad either going to court or preparing to go to court and more or less preparing to say every bad thing the other parent did, every flaw in their character, [...

How to divorce without tearing your family apart

Posted on May 05, 2009
guelphmercury.com shows that fighting in divorce court rarely produces a real winner. Joanne Shuttleworth writes (excerpt): “It’s not for everyone, but for most people, it allows more dignity and control over the matter,” Rinnie said...

Save the environment, one divorce at a time

Posted on May 05, 2009
CNN connects deforestation with weddings and divorces. Arwa Damon writes (excerpt): Newly married couples must plant 10 trees under the program. If they divorce, they must plant 50 others. **** Environmental officials estimate around 50 million trees are needed in Garut alone to reverse the harm done by overfarming...

A civilized divorce: divorce mediation and working together

Posted on May 04, 2009
myOptumHealth.com and KOTV show how divorcing couples use mediation to process a civilized divorce. Lila Havens writes (excerpt): In mediation, the couple works to reach an agreement both people think is fair. The mediator acts as a go-between to help them communicate...

Make love, not war: how happiness flows from connections and relationships

Posted on May 03, 2009
OPRAH.com shows how connecting with another person promotes happiness. Jessica Winter writes (excerpt): In his view, human happiness derives neither from external validation nor solely from within, but from “between”: through the relationships created by love, work, and “something larger than yourself” — whether it’s a religious group, a volunteer organization, or a political campaign...

Collaborative divorce leads to quantifiable improvements in relationships

Posted on May 02, 2009
DailyCamera.com shows how Working together to separate and divorce leads to better outcomes. Aimee Heckel writes (excerpt): But the collaborative process seems to be more effective than a judge throwing down the gavel. A 2005 Canadian study showed more clients were satisfied after a collaborative divorce, and that it led to quantifiable improvements in the relationships between [...

Unshakable, not unpleasant: Effective trial advocacy during cross examination

Posted on April 03, 2009
The ABA Journal’s McElhaney on Litigation features the topic of persuasive cross-examination and the difference between being firm and a jerk. Jim McElhaney writes (excerpt): ?You can be firm. You can be insistent. You can be tough when it?s called for...

The art of persuasion: negotiating with patience and endurance

Posted on March 31, 2009
The Twin City’s Star Tribune shows different ways of persuading people, including 5 negotiation ideas from Benjamin Franklin. Harvey Mackay writes (excerpt): ?Be clear, in your own mind, exactly what you are seeking. ?Do your homework, so that you’re fully prepared to discuss every aspect and respond to every question and comment...

Why am I so irritated?: Petty problems sabotage love

Posted on March 21, 2009
Psychology Today Magazine speaks for all lovers when it says, “You’re Driving Me Crazy!” This relationship advice helps us to not sweat the small stuff, but to actually change the way we think about it. Jay Dixit writes (excerpt): 1: “It’s Deliberate” **** “It’s the reaction of the host, not the strength of the pathogen,” says rabbi and [...

Dear Abby’s 15 ways to spot an abuser

Posted on March 19, 2009
Dear Abby’s Abigail van Buren lists 15 warning signs of an abuser (excerpt): 1. Pushes for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately...

Parenting your partner: If it works on your toddler, why not your husband or wife?

Posted on March 14, 2009
CNN and Parenting shows what happened when one mother applied parenting skills to her husband. By Fernanda Moore writes (excerpt): Strategy No. 1: Reward good behavior . . . . Good behavior rewarded leads to more good behavior. . . . Strategy No. 2: Keep it brief ...

That man is an abuser: early warning signs for domestic violence

Posted on March 10, 2009
The Frisky at CNN shares her story of domestic violence and some tips on how to recognize and avoid domestic abuse. Judy McGuire writes (excerpt): Here are some behaviors to watch out for: Too close, too fast [coming on too strong] . . . . Green-eyed monster [jealous and throwing tantrums] ...

Influence over decisions: how to use the principles of persuasion

Posted on March 08, 2009
The Observer pays attention to psychologists like Robert Cialdini [Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion] and Robert Levine [The Powers of Persuasion] studying persuasion skills. Sarah Wilson writes (excerpt): ? Reciprocity is one of the most powerful tools of persuasion [give someone something before trying to to persuade them to give something back] ...

And of course the cup is empty: When ordering, ask for the engagement ring “on the side”

Posted on March 03, 2009

The Bachelor in tatters? Love and hope and sex and dreams Are still surviving on the street

Posted on March 02, 2009

Creating goodwill in marriage: making sense of dollars and cents

Posted on February 18, 2009
CNN and Parenting.com make cents–rather, sense–of fighting over money and how couples can improve their marriage by resolving money issues. Michele Bender writes (excerpt): 1. Remember that your relationship is about more than the bottom line ...

What happens when a former spouse never changes his beneficiary designation

Posted on February 02, 2009
The United States Supreme Court’s decision in KENNEDY v. PLAN ADMINISTRATOR (January 26, 2009) confirms that ERISA plans must follow ERISA. In footnote 10, the Court revealed what would happen in Michigan: the Plan would pay the former spouse, and the Estate would sue to recover the payment (constructive trust)...

Kent County’s Parenting Pilot Program: “Expedited Process in the Resolution of the Low Conflict Docket of the Family Division”

Posted on January 31, 2009
Domestic Diversions previously announced our new parenting pilot project. Now, The Grand Rapids Press covered the new Kent County Parenting Plan, a pilot project approved by the Michigan Supreme Court. Theresa D. Mcclellan writes (excerpt): The hope is that by judicially redirecting the focus onto the children in divorce proceedings, parents will remember what’s at stake, which [...

Say the right thing: 10 ways to defuse conflict and promote harmony

Posted on January 15, 2009
CNN and Real Simple starts us off with “10 things to say to keep the peace.” Laurie Puhn’s list includes (excerpt): 1. “Thank you for your opinion. I’ll think about it.” 2. “Is this a good time for you?” 3...

Real ladies don’t trash talk: How to make your marriage great

Posted on January 13, 2009
The Washington Times advises wives to stop trash talking their husbands behind their backs, with suggestions from Michele Weiner-Davis. Julie Baumgardner writes (excerpt): If you have been talking badly about your husband, Mrs. Weiner-Davis would encourage you to do the following...

New Rule 502: Inadvertent disclosure of attorney-client privilege and work product materials

Posted on January 10, 2009
The Federal Rules of Evidence will see a new rule addressing the disclosure of attorney-client and work-product information. New Rule 502 helps in those case where there are tremendous efforts to review voluminous documents and where inadvertent disclosure often occur...

The 10% solution: Forever young and in love

Posted on January 06, 2009
CNN reveals the science of love: that couples can feel young love for years and years. CNN reports (excerpt): Using brain scans, researchers at Stony Brook University in New York have discovered a small number of couples respond with as much passion after 20 years together as most people only do during the early throes of romance, [...

Find a penny, pick it up, all marriage long you’ll have good luck

Posted on December 13, 2008
SFGate’s Amy Graff provides relationship advice from Elizabeth Dixon from the Kaiser Permanente Employee Assistance Program (excerpt): Dixon says the key is to think of marriage as a bank account. You’re constantly writing checks and making withdrawals ...

The kids are alright: But marriage gets better when they’re gone!

Posted on December 04, 2008
The San Francisco Chronicle peaks into our futures: marriage gets better after the kids are out, so says a UC-Berkeley study. Leslie Fulbright writes (excerpt): “We found that marital satisfaction increased as the women transitioned to an empty nest,” said Sara Gorchoff, one of the authors of the study and a doctoral candidate in the psychology [...

How to help kids cope with divorce

Posted on November 18, 2008
Love and Logic’s Dr. Charles Fay offers tips for helping kids cope with divorce (excerpt): Remember that they need to feel free to love both of you. [Dont’ talk negatively about the other parent and watch your nonverbal messages.] Understand that the healthier you grieve, the healthier they will...

Getting through and to the same place: Collaborative process lessens stress of divorce

Posted on November 08, 2008
Dallas-Fort Worth’s CBS 11 News investigated how Collaborative Divorce helps lower the stress on divorcing couples. Tracy Kornet reported (excerpt): During this process, the husband, wife and their attorneys work together — in private — to find a way to meet each individual’s needs...

Divorce American Style: Collaborative divorce

Posted on October 20, 2008
Times Online reports on more fallout from the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce: a call by senior High Court family judge Justice Coleridge for collaborative divorce. [The Telegraph also covered the story.] Frances Gibb writes (excerpt): Under the new process, the spouses and their lawyers meet to agree settlements at a fraction of the cost of a [...

Shut up! Shut up! Your marriage improves when actions speak louder than words

Posted on October 03, 2008
CNN and Oprah.com suggest we focus on connecting nonverbally with compassion for each other and with touch, sex, doing things together, and sharing moments together. Barbara Graham writes (excerpt): “It’s the connection, stupid!” exclaims Love, quickly adding that it’s not me personally she’s calling stupid...

Finding happiness in your marriage: You do the math!

Posted on October 02, 2008
The Telegraph quantifies the secret to a happy marriage: 4 hugs a day 7 evenings in together each month 2 dinner dates a month 2 romantic walks a month 1 visit to a pub or cinema without children or friends 1 evening away from each other a month flowers or a gift for the wife once a month John Bingham writes (excerpt): The secret [...

Money can’t buy me love?: Money matters to your marriage

Posted on September 11, 2008
The New York Times your smartest financial decision is marrying someone who shares your attitudes about money. Tara Siegel Bernard writes (excerpt): ?A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives,? said Betsey Stevenson, assistant professor of business and public policy at the University of Pennsylvania?s Wharton [...

New rules for falling in love with your spouse: Start getting a better marriage today

Posted on September 04, 2008
Good Housekeeping replaces old marriage myths with “new rules.” Sarah Mahoney notes 5 new rules (excerpt): Sleep on it. Conflicts are best dealt with when you have calmed down and are well rested. A marriage doesn’t run on feelings ? it thrives because both spouses work hard on it...

Save your marriage: Recommit to shared decision making, soft words, lots of listening, and calm emotions

Posted on August 27, 2008
The ABC News Medical Unit shows Madonna and Guy Ritchie leading the way–renewing their vows in an attempt to mend a broken marriage. Dan Childs writes (excerpt): Heitler says that in terms of the success rate she has seen for mended marriages, “80 percent end up with a wonderful marriage...

Sex, drinking and friendships: Mixed men messages

Posted on August 26, 2008
USA Today maps out the “rough road to manhood.” Sharon Jayson writes (excerpt): “Guys know they’re supposed to treat women as equals,” says Andrew Smiler . . . . “But we haven’t changed masculinity and we haven’t taught boys and men how to deal with these women...

My life, my spouse’s fault?: keys to a successful marriage

Posted on August 25, 2008
The Christian Science Monitor shows how putting your marriage first helps the whole family. David Code explains the three keys to a successful marriage and family (excerpt): 1) Recognize that we’ve already chosen the perfect spouse. . . . 2) . ...

Divorce Grand Rapids

Posted on August 23, 2008
The Sarnacki Law Firm is respected for its honest advice, creative solutions and effective advocacy. The two key components for the firm?s success are: * Legal Ability: our expertise, the nature of our practice and our specialized qualifications. * Standards of Conduct: our adherence to ethics, reliability, diligence and [...

Negotiation strategies, attitude and gestures: tips on persuasion so you get what you what

Posted on August 23, 2008
MSNBC and Prevention Magazine summarize simple principles of persuasion and negotiation, and they further discuss examples for putting them into practice. Kalee Thompson writes (excerpt): 1. Speak confidently Get directly to the point, but make sure you aren’t domineering...

Achieving Effective Resolution in Divorce without Litigation, by Pauline H. Tesler

Posted on August 22, 2008
At Grand Rapids Collaborative Divorce I posted an excerpt from Pauline Tesler–via the ABA–highlighting the movement away from litigation toward Collaborative Law. In it, Pauline Tesler notes that switching to a collaborative law practice is: Challenging since it”involves mastering knowledge and skills that were not taught to us in law school...

Technique tips for making a speech or presentation

Posted on August 16, 2008
Business Week shows us ways to improve our presentations by following the lead of politicians and successful ad campaigns. Carmine Gallo writes (excerpt): [Anaphora.] Repeating a phrase at the beginning or end of successive sentences is a powerful rhetorical technique that business leaders can use to capture the attention of their audiences...

Taxing child support recipients: Federal law leads to Michigan withholding $25

Posted on August 16, 2008
The Grand Rapids Press explains why custodial parents in Michigan will be paying the federal government $25 per year from the child support they receive. Kyla King writes (excerpt): “The Michigan legislators determined that it would be handled in this way,” she said...

Trial v. settlement: How often is a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?

Posted on August 15, 2008
The New York Times reminds us that trial is inherently uncertain, a gamble that often does not payoff. The study to be published in September’s Journal of Empirical Legal Studies showed that 61 percent of plaintiffs who rejected settlement offers got less at trial and 24 percent of defendants who rejected offers paid more, [...

Should I stay or should I go now: leaving my cheating partner or saving my marriage

Posted on August 14, 2008
CNN and LifeWire use the John Edwards confession-Elizabeth Edwards acceptance to look at what to do when your spouse has an affair or your spouse is in love with someone else and how to know whether to and how to save your marriage. Sarah Jio writes (excerpt): The key questions, she says, are: “Did you love each [...

COBRA coverage: keeping your health insurance after the divorce

Posted on August 13, 2008
COBRA [Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1985] provides the right for certain employees and their dependents to purchase continuation health care insurance coverage through their employers. The act applies to employers with 20 or more employees, including certain federal employees and State and local governments...

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes health insurance

Posted on August 13, 2008
The New York Times presents the flip side of a problem we deal with in divorce on a regular basis: health insurance. [See my related post on COBRA.] Kevin Sack writes about people who “rush to marry” in order to secure health care coverage for their new spouse (excerpt): In a country where insurance [...

Keep your children out of the middle of your divorce

Posted on August 12, 2008
The Wall Street Journal uses the divorce of Robin Williams and his wife, Marcia Garces Williams, to remind us of the effects of divorce on children. Stephanie Coontz writes (excerpt): But a growing body of evidence suggests that normalizing divorce and surrounding it with expectations of cooperative behavior is far better for everyone than the two extremes [...

Living in Unscripted World: Using improv to move conversations and your life forward

Posted on August 12, 2008
CNN and Real Simple help us us think faster and better on our feet through improv (excerpt): 1. The “yes…and” technique The “yes…and” technique gives you the chance to acknowledge what’s been said and then move the conversation to a new place, where you just might discover something — or someone — delightful...

How to estimate your Social Security benefits: divorced spouses, married couples, single persons

Posted on August 10, 2008
The Social Security Administration’s new retirement estimator taps into your actual earnings history to provide more accurate estimates of benefits. It also allows for alternative future income scenarios. The estimator explains (excerpt): How the Retirement Estimator Works The Retirement Estimator produces estimates that are based on your actual Social Security earnings record...

How to negotiate issues, big and small: applying principles of persuasion to your life situations

Posted on August 07, 2008
The Freakonomics Blogs at the New York Times includes an interesting discussion on “getting what you want” with Robert Cialdini, Noah Goldstein and Steve Martin, the authors of “Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive.” Annika Mengisen’s post addresses questions like: How to ask for a raise How to get the highest price for something on eBay How [...

First comes love, then comes the champagne picnic, the romantic marriage proposal in a dinghy, the coast guard . . .

Posted on August 03, 2008
The BBC finds not all marriage proposals require coast guard assistance (excerpt): Two lovers were rescued as they drifted out to sea following a romantic marriage proposal in a dinghy. Colin Howell, 35, enjoyed a champagne picnic with his girlfriend, Miriam Light, 26, before setting out from Cromer in Norfolk to pop the question...

Negotiating with your spouse: children, money problems, differences in sexual desire, and a happy marriage

Posted on July 29, 2008
The Jamaica Gleaner helps set the stage for relationship negotiations with advice from counselor Omar Thomas. Paul Messam lists Thomas’ seven “routes” to an exciting marriage (excerpt): Ensure that you want your marriage to work. This is key...

How to tell your children you are divorcing

Posted on July 28, 2008
The MayoClinic and CNN helps you help your children cope with your divorce (excerpt): How to tell them It’s best if you and your spouse can tell your children about the divorce together. Make sure the children understand that you both still love them and will take care of them...

How to talk to your teen about sex

Posted on July 27, 2008
The MayoClinic and CNN suggest we think of sex education as an ongoing conversation and provide advice on getting the conversation started (excerpt): * Seize the moment. When a TV program or music video raises issues about responsible sexual behavior, use it as a springboard for discussion...

The lawyer as witness: a basic rule of cross examination

Posted on July 18, 2008
McElhaney on Litigation reminds us that the point of cross examination is to tell the jury your side of the case. Jim McElhaney writes (excerpt): ?Because,? said Angus, ?trying to argue the case gets in the way of your most important job on cross?which is to be the real witness...

How to invest for the long run: have fun now and be happy later

Posted on July 16, 2008
USA Today explains investing for the future (in relationships, that is [not how to make money fast or other get rich quick schemes]). Sharon Jayson writes (excerpt): Now research from the University of Denver supports the idea that finding moments to be together free of financial, family or other stresses ? just to have fun together ? [...

Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook’s divorce case: A mediation alternative to knock-down, drag-out battles

Posted on July 15, 2008
Newsday shows how divorce mediation can “avoid the circus that you see in the Brinkley case” [of Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook]. Divorce mediation–especially mediation of custody disputes–controls costs, maintains privacy, limits conflict, and promotes relationships and shared goals...

Essentially human: an answer to the question, “am I normal?”

Posted on July 14, 2008
Psychology Today explains how not being “normal” is normal, and perhaps what makes you most special! Kathleen McGowan writes (excerpt): In probing the common standards of normality, Wood has made a surprising discovery: Being normal is actually extraordinary...

Celebrity divorces: lessons of the rich and famous

Posted on July 11, 2008
USA Today shares divorce lessons of the rich and famous. Jane Straus provided her comments on Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe, Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, and Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger...

Divorced parents learning to get along

Posted on July 09, 2008
The Grand Forks Herald reveals the appeal of divorce mediation. Janell Cole writes (excerpt): ?Mediation can be successful because its focus is on the strengths each person has as a parent and on the joint goals and aspirations parents have for their children,? state Court Administrator Sally Holewa told a legislative committee June 24...

Kent County’s Pilot Project: Grand Rapids divorce attorneys to use nicer labels, parenting plan proposals, more ADR

Posted on July 08, 2008
The Michigan Supreme Court has issued Administrative Order No. 2008-1 (Pilot Project No. 1), 17th Judicial Circuit Court, (Expedited Process in the Resolution of the Low Conflict Docket of the Family Division), for Kent County divorces. “The pilot project will study the effectiveness of the use of pleadings that contain nonadversarial language, and the requirement [...

That’s so Gay: Caring, sharing, treating others as equals

Posted on June 12, 2008
The New York Times helps us understand the key to happiness in a marriage or relationship. Tara Parker-Pope writes (excerpt): “How people care for each other, how they share responsibility, power and authority ? those are the key issues in relationships [said Sondra E...

Co-parenting: A little more clear-headed after the divorce

Posted on June 11, 2008
NJ.com shows divorcing parents how to rebuild a functioning relationship, all for the sake of the kids. There is mention of collaborative divorce, but the focus is on keeping bitterness and rage from controlling your life. Kathleen O’Brien writes (excerpt): Think of the future...

Ways to avoid a nasty divorce

Posted on June 09, 2008
The ABA Journal emphasizes “efforts to take the nastiness out of divorce proceedings.” Jill Schachner Chanen writes (excerpt): [re: Collaborative Divorce] An even more significant development is the growing use of what practitioners term a collaborative approach to divorce cases...

Eight principle of persuasion: getting what you want

Posted on June 08, 2008
New Scientist teaches lessons from the science of persuasion. Dan Jones and Alison Motluk write (excerpt): Persuasion is a key element of all human interaction, from politics to marketing to everyday dealings with friends, family and colleagues. “Persuasion is a basic form of social interaction,” says Eric Knowles, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Arkansas [...

Scalia’s “Making Your Case”: Rules of persuasion in court and in life

Posted on June 07, 2008
Business Week puts a little spin on U.S. Associate Justice Antonin Scalia and editor-in-chief of Black’s Law Dictionary Bryan Garner’s “Making Your Case,” picking out 10 rules of persuasion that apply in the courtroom and beyond...

Divorce’s impact on a business

Posted on June 03, 2008
Seattle’s Eastside Business Journal references the hidden cost divorce can have on a business, often the foundation for both the owner’s, the former spouse’s and the children’s quality of life. Karin Quirk writes (excerpt): When the business owner is the person involved in the divorce process the consequences on the business can be even more dramatic, [...

Doable togetherness: Best ways to keep intimacy in your marriage

Posted on June 02, 2008
The Philippine Daily Inquirer presents 10 “bite-size efforts [that] go a long way for a happy togetherness.” Anna Sobrepe�a’s list includes (excerpt): 1. Keep a weekly appointment with each other. 2. Share thoughts. 3. Read the same page...

Divorce mediation: creative solutions, calming influence

Posted on June 01, 2008
The Akron Beacon Journal hails the verdict: “Mediation saves.” Paula Schleis writes (excerpt): ”With a third person present, it just changes things. People are able to talk things over,” said Bernard Winick, who teaches business law at the University of Akron...

Resolving custody and financial issues through collaborative divorce

Posted on May 31, 2008
The Union shows the growing trend toward collaborative divorce. Janet Harley writes (excerpt): Parents who still must raise their children together are unable to look at each other, much less talk to each other. Those of us working in the field know that the courtroom is not the best place to resolve the custody and financial issues [...

Creating a peaceful divorce

Posted on May 30, 2008
The Santa Barbara Independent comments on how to get a win-win split in divorce. Kevin Bourke writes (excerpt): Divorce mediation has become increasingly popular in recent years. If you and your soon-to-be ex are both intent on creating a peaceful divorce, why not explore this option? It can be much less expensive and has worked well for [...

Can your employer monitor your email?

Posted on May 09, 2008
The ABA Litigation News Online reveals a problem with using your employer-provided email address. Your email–even to your attorney–may not be private, confidential or protected. Ruth E. Piller writes (excerpt): Employees who believe their email communications with their attorneys are privileged may actually be waiving the attorney-client privilege each time they send or receive email via [...

Hey Guys, Let’s Evolve: Stop Acting Out Sexually and Violently

Posted on April 23, 2008
I keep finding news of males acting out sexually and violently.� It seems that guys get bad news for such�behavior.� The news gets degendered and reported as criminal behavior by offenders.� Men aren’t born to commit such acts, but the male socialization process conditions men for this type of acting out...

Empowering families to live deeper, richer, healthier lives

Posted on April 23, 2008
MLive-Grand Rapids Press put Maranda in the spotlight with her new “Where You Live” show. This show encourages us to be creative and effective as we guide our children toward becoming responsible and happy adults. The show airs at 7 p.m...

Using intellective and judgmental persuasion to win your case in court

Posted on April 12, 2008
The ABA’s Litigation Update distinguishes between the two ways decision makers approach problems. Harry Plotkin writes (excerpt): When humans?especially in groups?are asked to solve intellective problems that have right and wrong answers, they utilize informational processing...

Couples dancing with the stars

Posted on April 08, 2008
The Sturgis Journal illustrates what marriage and dancing have in common, putting commitment in perspective. James and Audora Burg write (excerpt): The late Paul Pearsall, neuropsychologist and best-selling author of 18 books, noted “Marriage, families, all relationships are more a process of learning the dance rather than finding the right dancer...

Download free Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit

Posted on April 03, 2008
The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals wants you to discover the collaborative process and whether collaborative divorce is right for you. To that end and for a limited time, the IACP has created a kit that answers many of the common questions about collaborative divorce and has the kit available for download.

Using a financial advisor to settle your divorce case

Posted on March 21, 2008
Citywire explains the role of the financial specialist in collaborative divorce cases. Keith G Churchouse writes (excerpt): Collaborative Divorce is neither mediation nor arbitration. It is a new way of settling divorce, where you seek what is right for each other with the help of a team of professionals, including a financial planner who has passed [...

No modification of QDRO, hearing before modifying spousal suppport (alimony), and adoption subsidy is for the minor child

Posted on January 07, 2008